The month of Ramadhan feels so short

Hari Raya is just around the corner and that day Harith will be two and a half months. I still try and breastfeed him but I am sad to write that my breast milk is not as much anymore. I hardly lactate except the times when I breastfeed him. I have been back to work for two weeks now and at the rate things are going in the office, it seems that I never went on maternity leave at all.

I have managed to lose an additional 6kg from that day when I went for my check-up with Dr Nik. That I managed to do partly because of fasting and mostly because I have not been eating rice. The bad thing about not eating rice is I tend to eat more of the Ramadhan kuih-muih and the ones I like are those loaded with sugar and santan (well what kuih is not loaded with sugar?) such as talam pandan, kuih koci, lepat pisang, kuih cara, kuih bakar.....although I try and limit to one or two only. Murtabak, another favourite, despite having that a few times, I only took at the most three small ones from the big piece cut into small squares.

I am determined to lose the additional 8kg from here, and post fasting month, this indeed will be a challenge.

Just came back from the big market in Seremban and am sooo tired. So many people and when we were there, we heard gunshots twice. Apparently someone died from that shot and imagine, there were so many people, what if the shooter went on a rampage, ramai laa tak beraya gamaknya. Alhamdulillah Aliah and I managed to do our bit and cabut and back safely home.

So to all, if I have ever said anything in this blog menyinggung perasaan, or in person, maaf zahir dan batin and I wish you a joyful Hari Raya and go easy on the lemang and rendang!!

When my amateur cooking is so appreciated

For break fast yesterday, I cooked nasi beriani with two versions of chicken, masak kurma and masak merah madu. The kurma to cater to Zarif's request and the masak madu to cater to Munirah's. Made cendol jelly earlier and asked the maid to fry the pisang nipah that I had bought at the pasar malam in Ampangan the day before. This is the second time I cooked nasi beriani, the first being the day before fasting began.

Seeing them eat today, with husband's eldest brother and family at break fasting as well, gave a lot of satisfaction to me, even though all I had was one piece of chicken as part of my diet.

This blog entry is typical of a working mother's dilemma. Zarif, my 11 year old son, asked me again to confirm that I am indeed returning to work on Monday and I said yes. His response was, "alaa....lepas ni mama dah kerja tak ada lagilah mama nak masak best2....."

True. When I start work and typically before when I became engrossed with work, I would sooner relinquish the menu selection and cooking to my maid. For the first 2 weeks of this fasting month, I have been planning every day on what to cook and eat for break fasting, save for a couple of days when I am too tired and asked the maid to decide what to cook.

I made this Milo drink on the 1st and 2nd day of breakfasting for Aliah and Zarif, and both of them have been asking for Mama's Milo since. I differentiate the drink I make to the drink that the maid makes for them with my own Milo concoction. My sister-in-law (husband's brother's wife) says why I worry because these kids know that the maid is a maid and we are their mother. I am of the view that despite them knowing that, I want my kids to remember the things I do for them and the taste that comes with it, not so much expecting anything in return, but to create memories for them that they will remember and tell their friends and own kids some day and make them want to come back to Mama's house for that special meal (no matter how simple or amateurish the cooking) because they remember and crave for that taste.....

Office and lack of sleep

Don't misundertand me, I am not looking forward to office at all after 2 months at home. 4 days to going back to office and I am tired....of waking up at least 3 times a night, and even though I could sleep during the day, it is just not the same as a good night's sleep.

Harith wakes up usually at 11pm, 2am and 4am. He is breastfed mostly at night and after a feed goes back to sleep provided that he gets burped else he will not sleep. Waking up for sahur is at 5am and I am just too tired to eat anything (what a good diet incentive huh?) and usually will down 3 glasses of water and half a mug of Nescafe.

I am going to be like a zombie in the office if this continues and MrM doesn't do his part to wake up for Harith's feeds. I am so tempted to buy that motorized buaian now....anything for my sleep!

Losing weight post delivery

I thought that it would be worth mentioning here that I have lost a total of 15kg so far from my heaviest point during pregnancy, which would be approximately two weeks prior to delivery since nearer to delivery date, I started losing weight.

I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight, i.e. back to the point where I had lost the 9kg when I started changing my eating habits and going to Sispa. I am surprised I lost al that weight since I have not been really watching my diet. I am still targeting another 10kg to lose and I can imagine that to be a very slow process. First I have to get on some form of exercise regime. As Dr Mehmet Oz said in TV (I think in the program called Second Opinion), strength and flexibility is key when you are older. I am definitely not anywhere near any form of strength and flexibility.

I have not eaten rice since fasting started, breaking fast with steamed fish and stir fried veggies and occasionally indulging in sugar laden lepat pisang and teh tarik. Therefore the weight loss has been slow. I think what helps is perhaps the fact that I am still breastfeeding. Buka puasa over last weekend was a lot of santan, masak lemak cili api ayam kampung on Saturday with MrM's brothers and families and another buka puasa session at my mother's house, where practically every dish is santan based. Masak lemak telur with pucuk ubi, rendang daging berkacang panjang, rendang ayam kampung and to top it all, bubur ubi kayu with gula anau. Even though I did not take rice, the calorie content of the food must have added at least half a centimeter on each side of my hips.

I am however, in a cooking mood. Enjoying what's left of this maternity leave. Enjoying time when my mind is focused on one thing at a time and not try to juggle all sorts of stuff at a time. Enjoying sleep during the day to compensate my waking up taking care of Harith's needs. Enjoying watching TV alone without having to fight over channels. Enjoying life while still getting paid salary and can initiate all sorts of projects that require some amount of money.