6 July 2009.
That is the target delivery date set by Dr Nik at approximately 1pm. Fasting shall start at 7am Monday morning.
I am down with laryngitis and was prescribed by Dr Nik Bena, Clar*n*se, and antibiotics to ensure that by Monday I am all good to go for the C-section.
Right now, I am feeling drowsy from a dose of Bena due for my afternoon rest.
And I am Blackberry less for a day. Which means I am not contactable through my handphone since I don't have a spare phone (already used by Munirah) and a loan unit will be provided to me by M*xi* only tomorrow.
How do I feel right now about Monday 6 July 2009?
Eager, scared, anxious, worry, thinking of seeing the little one, just a mixture of feelings that actually tantamounts to anxiety.
Pray that I do get well before the surgery.
The Purpose of Life is a Life of Purpose
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Reality sinking in
I thought the title of this post would be apt for what goes through my mind today.
No 1
The reality of having a 4th child has not really sank with me, despite what I have wrote in the past, despite getting ready new baby things (almost) and despite carrying this baby in me for the past 9 months. I guess nothing prepares you for motherhood, especially at this age, when you don't have to worry about the kind of care on your kids like you would with a baby. The reaity that this baby may not sleep well at night (and judging from the first three, they do not sleep through the night in the first three years) and feeling tired from lack of sleep.
No 2
After being on medical leave for almost 2 weeks now, the reality that my life for the past 10 years have been very much work, work and work. The sad thing about this is that I remember things about work 10 years ago than I do about specific achievements of my kids. Or milestones in their lives. The sadder thing is, despite given medical leave to rest well before the surgery, I feel like I am worth much less as a person when I do not work. When I am not solving things in office. When I am not reading or reviewing submissions by direct reports. While work has accorded me so many opportunities and experiences and I am getting to be good at what I do, I have let work take control of my life and to the point where I feel I still need to prove my abilities when I should be developing these abilities in others.
No 3
The reality that I will not lose weight that easily after this delivery and recovery may take longer. I had planned to take brisk walks around the residential area 2 weeks after delivery. Slowly at first and building my stamina up as I become stronger. I am not so sure how well I would recover and whether complications may arise. Again it is the guilt and worry over my unhealthy eating habits for the past 9 months. Sweet drinks, curries, masak lemak, pancakes, fried chicken, rice, those are my common indulgence. That my cholesterol level that has improved to 3.5 would probably skyrocket to more than the 5.2 threshold.
No 4
The fourth one has nothing to do with having a baby or recovering post partum. It is about relationships with your other half. Keeping romance alive is not easy to do when you are at this age and is also a question of what one would do to keep it alive. In fact, I don't think of it as romance anymore, rather intimacy that can only be known between the two of us. Putting into perspective these past nine months, "romance" is alive when he asks you whether the colour of his pants today suits the shirt that he is wearing. It is alive when he assures you that the baby will be all right despite the risks of having one at this age. He calls you in the middle of the night when I was almost bonkers after 2 days stay at the hospital. He reminds me of my priorities in life, especially when it comes to kids and work. Comes to KL and the madness of traffic jams to pick me up from work even when he is on leave.
No 5
Reality that I am 43 this year and have a long way to go in deepening my knowledge and devotion to one and only God. That the past 30 years I have been distracted and not perform my obligations as a Muslim fully. I don't want to dwell more of this in this blog. It is just time for me to face this reality and do something about it.
No 1
The reality of having a 4th child has not really sank with me, despite what I have wrote in the past, despite getting ready new baby things (almost) and despite carrying this baby in me for the past 9 months. I guess nothing prepares you for motherhood, especially at this age, when you don't have to worry about the kind of care on your kids like you would with a baby. The reaity that this baby may not sleep well at night (and judging from the first three, they do not sleep through the night in the first three years) and feeling tired from lack of sleep.
No 2
After being on medical leave for almost 2 weeks now, the reality that my life for the past 10 years have been very much work, work and work. The sad thing about this is that I remember things about work 10 years ago than I do about specific achievements of my kids. Or milestones in their lives. The sadder thing is, despite given medical leave to rest well before the surgery, I feel like I am worth much less as a person when I do not work. When I am not solving things in office. When I am not reading or reviewing submissions by direct reports. While work has accorded me so many opportunities and experiences and I am getting to be good at what I do, I have let work take control of my life and to the point where I feel I still need to prove my abilities when I should be developing these abilities in others.
No 3
The reality that I will not lose weight that easily after this delivery and recovery may take longer. I had planned to take brisk walks around the residential area 2 weeks after delivery. Slowly at first and building my stamina up as I become stronger. I am not so sure how well I would recover and whether complications may arise. Again it is the guilt and worry over my unhealthy eating habits for the past 9 months. Sweet drinks, curries, masak lemak, pancakes, fried chicken, rice, those are my common indulgence. That my cholesterol level that has improved to 3.5 would probably skyrocket to more than the 5.2 threshold.
No 4
The fourth one has nothing to do with having a baby or recovering post partum. It is about relationships with your other half. Keeping romance alive is not easy to do when you are at this age and is also a question of what one would do to keep it alive. In fact, I don't think of it as romance anymore, rather intimacy that can only be known between the two of us. Putting into perspective these past nine months, "romance" is alive when he asks you whether the colour of his pants today suits the shirt that he is wearing. It is alive when he assures you that the baby will be all right despite the risks of having one at this age. He calls you in the middle of the night when I was almost bonkers after 2 days stay at the hospital. He reminds me of my priorities in life, especially when it comes to kids and work. Comes to KL and the madness of traffic jams to pick me up from work even when he is on leave.
No 5
Reality that I am 43 this year and have a long way to go in deepening my knowledge and devotion to one and only God. That the past 30 years I have been distracted and not perform my obligations as a Muslim fully. I don't want to dwell more of this in this blog. It is just time for me to face this reality and do something about it.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Leg cramps
I had leg cramps on my left leg this morning at about 6am and that was a strong one. The last time I had leg cramps was when I was about 5 months. I have not been taking the calcium pills as diligently as I should. Bad as it is that I have to take the multivitamins, the white calcium pills do not bode very well with my constant state of nausea.
MrM straightened my leg and flexed it to ease the cramps. The entire day I still had that cramp feeling at my left betis.
Still not taking those calcium tablets though. MrM malas nak comment when he asked me whether I have been taking calcium. Let's put it this way, my sanity is very important to me at this stage of the pregnancy.
MrM straightened my leg and flexed it to ease the cramps. The entire day I still had that cramp feeling at my left betis.
Still not taking those calcium tablets though. MrM malas nak comment when he asked me whether I have been taking calcium. Let's put it this way, my sanity is very important to me at this stage of the pregnancy.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sigh! Another week of waiting and losing weight?
Those days (9 months ago) when I was dieting and eating bland tasteless healthy food, I had difficulty losing weight. Now that I am eating to my heart's content, especially at this stage of pregnancy, I lose weight from last week's weigh-in. Dr Nik was concerned but not too concerned since I have put on 14 kg in totality. What is in a few hundred grams, right?
I was not able to sleep well last night despite taking sleeping tablets. I slept close to 12pm and woke up at 4am. Moved to the wing chair but my backache was so bad that I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to.
The appointment today did not introduce anything new, I thought. Or perhaps I am taking things for granted. I know I am. Blood pressure was 90/60, urine is clear from proten, baby is head down, his back to my left, and I could see Baby A's chest heaving up and down and him opening his mouth like a yawn. Dr Nik said he was actually swallowing the amniotic fluid. Such is the wonder of life growing inside me. I am 36 weeks now but the baby's size is almost 38 weeks. Estimated weight at this point is 2.8kg. The placenta is at Stage 3 maturity and God knows how many stages there are since I didn't care to ask at this point, evident in the increase in calcium deposits within the placenta.
Since I complained of not being able to sleep, Dr Nik increased my dosage of sleeping tablets from 1 to 2. I have only been taking 1 tablet nightly since even with 1 I have difficulty waking up in the morning. These tablets does help me go to sleep because that is the real problem, I sleep very late at night because I have slept my day off in the afternoon.
At this point I really want the C-section to be next week, any day let's just do it Doctor! Dr Nik, however, said let's give the baby the benefit of being longer in the womb and target for delivery on 6 July 2009 unless my water broke, my blood pressure shoots up or I have pain at my previous C-section scars. That is another 9 days! I don't think I can hold out that much longer what with me heavy like this, the hot weather, nausea and act of vomiting especially after coffee and brushing my teeth.
I was not able to sleep well last night despite taking sleeping tablets. I slept close to 12pm and woke up at 4am. Moved to the wing chair but my backache was so bad that I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to.
The appointment today did not introduce anything new, I thought. Or perhaps I am taking things for granted. I know I am. Blood pressure was 90/60, urine is clear from proten, baby is head down, his back to my left, and I could see Baby A's chest heaving up and down and him opening his mouth like a yawn. Dr Nik said he was actually swallowing the amniotic fluid. Such is the wonder of life growing inside me. I am 36 weeks now but the baby's size is almost 38 weeks. Estimated weight at this point is 2.8kg. The placenta is at Stage 3 maturity and God knows how many stages there are since I didn't care to ask at this point, evident in the increase in calcium deposits within the placenta.
Since I complained of not being able to sleep, Dr Nik increased my dosage of sleeping tablets from 1 to 2. I have only been taking 1 tablet nightly since even with 1 I have difficulty waking up in the morning. These tablets does help me go to sleep because that is the real problem, I sleep very late at night because I have slept my day off in the afternoon.
At this point I really want the C-section to be next week, any day let's just do it Doctor! Dr Nik, however, said let's give the baby the benefit of being longer in the womb and target for delivery on 6 July 2009 unless my water broke, my blood pressure shoots up or I have pain at my previous C-section scars. That is another 9 days! I don't think I can hold out that much longer what with me heavy like this, the hot weather, nausea and act of vomiting especially after coffee and brushing my teeth.
The thing that gets to me at this point is I want to be actively moving about, spring cleaning cupboards, kitchen, book shelves since I hardly get to do this when I work. There is a limit to my activity and energy level and I would be retreating to the comfort of my bedroom by 12pm to rest and sleep. Even my maid is saying that I should rest rather than move about. I suspect I am getting to her nerves as well since I am asking her to do this and that. Why not tell the employer to rest therefore she can go about her usual routine, eh? I suspect that was not the reason since she has been with me for 8 long years and that was a genuine concern.
Now that MASfair is on until 5 July I am already making travel plans for the year-end school holidays. MrM has agreed to go to an international location, with the new baby, and I think this trip will be exciting for the older kids. Imagine water parks, desert safaris, beriani from Liyari, souks, shopping....you don't need to guess where we are heading. Yes, if ada rezeki, ke situlah we will be going for holiday this year.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Another sleepless night
- Tossed and turned and ended up not being able to sleep last night
- My back hurts
- I am still nauseous
- Constipation is my middle name now
- There are still so many things to do
- There is so much energy left
- Money is flowing out like water
- Hope that it flows in faster than it does out, ha ha! It is July after all....
- MrM also could not sleep with my tossing and turning
- He went to work anyway
- I need food right now and instead what do I do, updating blogs
- The room is in a mess
- I am in no mood to clean up
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Another round of CTG today
It is 4pm now and I am in the comfort of my bedroom awoken from a deep slumber by Munirah, who wanted to know whether I bought her Gel pens and the birthday present for her good friend Shahira. I did, of course, at no less a place than Ki*ok*niy*, and bought her enough gel pens to last her till the end of this year I would imagine. I also bought her the socks that she has been wanting in white and off-white colors. Got that ticked off my list of things to do.
MrM dropped me off at GIMC at 8am this morning and I head towards the labor ward for another baby heartbeat monitoring. Baby A was active as usual, evident through the occasional thud sound of the CTG machine. His heartbeat ranged between 120 to 190 and after half an hour I was done. The nurse tore off the hearbeat and contraction graph printout and informed Dr Nik. I guess there was nothing to be worried about since Dr Nik said he will be seeing me on Friday then.
Took a cab Su*ia K*CC, and had breakfast at La C*cur, and that was two plates of mee hoon goreng since I was so hungry! Went up to office and cleared some outstandings, met my boss and HH discussed about work. In one week, my mind has forgotten so many things related to work, let alone after two months of maternity leave. Right now, my mind is elsewhere thinking about this delivery and the oh so many things that I have to do before delivery.
The house seems so quiet right now. Aliah is at her swimming lessons, Zarif is tired from co-curriculum, and Munirah, as usual, in her room, hopefully studying. I was hoping to post some photos but not in the mood right now. I need to have tea and some food, so ciao!
MrM dropped me off at GIMC at 8am this morning and I head towards the labor ward for another baby heartbeat monitoring. Baby A was active as usual, evident through the occasional thud sound of the CTG machine. His heartbeat ranged between 120 to 190 and after half an hour I was done. The nurse tore off the hearbeat and contraction graph printout and informed Dr Nik. I guess there was nothing to be worried about since Dr Nik said he will be seeing me on Friday then.
Took a cab Su*ia K*CC, and had breakfast at La C*cur, and that was two plates of mee hoon goreng since I was so hungry! Went up to office and cleared some outstandings, met my boss and HH discussed about work. In one week, my mind has forgotten so many things related to work, let alone after two months of maternity leave. Right now, my mind is elsewhere thinking about this delivery and the oh so many things that I have to do before delivery.
The house seems so quiet right now. Aliah is at her swimming lessons, Zarif is tired from co-curriculum, and Munirah, as usual, in her room, hopefully studying. I was hoping to post some photos but not in the mood right now. I need to have tea and some food, so ciao!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The waiting game
I was given Medical leave by Dr Nik this week, with two CTGs scheduled, one already done last Sunday and another scheduled tomorrow morning. Baby A's heartbeat is stable according to the nurse in the labor ward, ranging from 130 to 180 per minute (180 when he jumps in the womb).
These past two days? Met up Soy and Reni for breakfast. The usual goss around RK and S2. What else is new.....affair sana affair sini. It was good to meet them. We talked about kids, who is doing what etc..
I have been planning for that spring cleaning that never took place a few blog entries ago. Actually I have so many storage space in my house. Not to mention my collection of boxes, tins and baskets courtesy of office mates and my own collection. It is just that I have been so disorganized. Execution is through the two maids that I have right now. Something about organizing that gives me satisfaction.
Updated my TH account and the kids. Nice little nest eggs for the kids, that is, after 10 years of salary deduction. Now to register MrM and I for Hajj, which I berniat to go before turning 45. I am the one with the niat, have not really discussed with MrM, though.
Finally had this Internet connection fixed. My Blackberry roller ball can only turn right at the moment which makes Internet browsing on the Blackberry difficult. Rasa nak campak je Blackberry ni. So barulah lepas membayar bills online, C*lc*m, A*t*o, electricity and payment for another spending.
Today I made myself tired by going to JJ Sban 2. Browsed magazines, books, and in the end bought 2B pencils, glue and Pop Bazic bags in various colors. I told you I am in the mood of being frivolous. Now thinking what to do with these bags.
Much to my delight there was this M'sian food and agriculture exhibition and stalls at the main lobby area in JJ. Huhu! Bought maruku, kerepek bawang, and really delicious frozen foods such as murtabak, kuih kacang, pau sambal, doughnuts, roti arab....habis RM100.00. In fact, I think I should buy more (or get MrM to buy) and stock up. The N Sembilan stall yg jual frozen food ni yg paling sedap after doing my rounds tasting their samples. The bahulu pandan was okay but what spoiled the taste was the chocolate rice that they tarok jugak dalam bahulu pandan tu.
To those reading this blog working in the same organization as me, let's hope Mr RAR's and Ms HH rumours are true. And we should count our blessings when there is so much economic uncertainty now.
Tomorrow I plan to go to office after CTG. Errrgghh! My mind is out of synch with office right now. Tonight I plan to synch-kan balik dengan drafting IFSSC policy framework and write-up of guidelines remaining not yet issued to OPUs. I have been on overdose reading of risk management articles lately. I do have a lot of ideas in my mind right now if the move is confirmed. Not too long now, we will know on Friday after the committee meets on Thursday.
I need to get a haircut. Tomorrow kalau potong rambut kat Saw KLCC, will cost me RM68.00. The guy who cuts my hair is Le. Kalau potong rambut kat Kristine kat Sban, will cost me RM17.00. Potong kat sini jelah. Bukan style macamana pun. Today I wonder if MrM has another badminton game. I may just surprise him there. Manalah tahu.....
Shaved my legs today....licin betul dah. I think it is a bit too late but I have started using this product from L'oc*i*an* that apparently helps reduce water retention. I'd like to think that it does make a difference. Anything for my sanity. I really need to build my strength post delivery. Plan to go for brisk walking once I am strong enough and weight training to tone these flabby arms macam si Michelle Obama tu and continue with the spa treatment at Sispa. What with a little baby to take care of, sleepless nights possibly and not to mention nine months of indulgence, I need to take care of myself first.
This weekend plan to cook the kids favourites. Curry mee, kek pandan ala muffin style, itupun kalau mood ada bagus. Let's see what the doctor says this Friday. Which reminds me I need to get ready my hospital bag. Just in case. Of late, the pressure of the baby's head down there has been stronger. His movements are still vigorous, which makes it difficult for me to walk at times. I am nervous about this C-section and my threshold for pain post delivery and post pain relief medication. The first move turun katil tu yg I seriau memikir2kan.
These past two days? Met up Soy and Reni for breakfast. The usual goss around RK and S2. What else is new.....affair sana affair sini. It was good to meet them. We talked about kids, who is doing what etc..
I have been planning for that spring cleaning that never took place a few blog entries ago. Actually I have so many storage space in my house. Not to mention my collection of boxes, tins and baskets courtesy of office mates and my own collection. It is just that I have been so disorganized. Execution is through the two maids that I have right now. Something about organizing that gives me satisfaction.
Updated my TH account and the kids. Nice little nest eggs for the kids, that is, after 10 years of salary deduction. Now to register MrM and I for Hajj, which I berniat to go before turning 45. I am the one with the niat, have not really discussed with MrM, though.
Finally had this Internet connection fixed. My Blackberry roller ball can only turn right at the moment which makes Internet browsing on the Blackberry difficult. Rasa nak campak je Blackberry ni. So barulah lepas membayar bills online, C*lc*m, A*t*o, electricity and payment for another spending.
Today I made myself tired by going to JJ Sban 2. Browsed magazines, books, and in the end bought 2B pencils, glue and Pop Bazic bags in various colors. I told you I am in the mood of being frivolous. Now thinking what to do with these bags.
Much to my delight there was this M'sian food and agriculture exhibition and stalls at the main lobby area in JJ. Huhu! Bought maruku, kerepek bawang, and really delicious frozen foods such as murtabak, kuih kacang, pau sambal, doughnuts, roti arab....habis RM100.00. In fact, I think I should buy more (or get MrM to buy) and stock up. The N Sembilan stall yg jual frozen food ni yg paling sedap after doing my rounds tasting their samples. The bahulu pandan was okay but what spoiled the taste was the chocolate rice that they tarok jugak dalam bahulu pandan tu.
To those reading this blog working in the same organization as me, let's hope Mr RAR's and Ms HH rumours are true. And we should count our blessings when there is so much economic uncertainty now.
Tomorrow I plan to go to office after CTG. Errrgghh! My mind is out of synch with office right now. Tonight I plan to synch-kan balik dengan drafting IFSSC policy framework and write-up of guidelines remaining not yet issued to OPUs. I have been on overdose reading of risk management articles lately. I do have a lot of ideas in my mind right now if the move is confirmed. Not too long now, we will know on Friday after the committee meets on Thursday.
I need to get a haircut. Tomorrow kalau potong rambut kat Saw KLCC, will cost me RM68.00. The guy who cuts my hair is Le. Kalau potong rambut kat Kristine kat Sban, will cost me RM17.00. Potong kat sini jelah. Bukan style macamana pun. Today I wonder if MrM has another badminton game. I may just surprise him there. Manalah tahu.....
Shaved my legs today....licin betul dah. I think it is a bit too late but I have started using this product from L'oc*i*an* that apparently helps reduce water retention. I'd like to think that it does make a difference. Anything for my sanity. I really need to build my strength post delivery. Plan to go for brisk walking once I am strong enough and weight training to tone these flabby arms macam si Michelle Obama tu and continue with the spa treatment at Sispa. What with a little baby to take care of, sleepless nights possibly and not to mention nine months of indulgence, I need to take care of myself first.
This weekend plan to cook the kids favourites. Curry mee, kek pandan ala muffin style, itupun kalau mood ada bagus. Let's see what the doctor says this Friday. Which reminds me I need to get ready my hospital bag. Just in case. Of late, the pressure of the baby's head down there has been stronger. His movements are still vigorous, which makes it difficult for me to walk at times. I am nervous about this C-section and my threshold for pain post delivery and post pain relief medication. The first move turun katil tu yg I seriau memikir2kan.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Glad to be home
Goings on today in bullet points :
- Glad to be home after three nights at the hospital. MrM said that he would go crazy being in the hospital that long. And that was just today while waiting for me to be discharged. Now he knows why I sent him those SOS SMSes last night.
- Baby A's heartbeat seems to be stable now, Alhamdulillah. He is still moving actively, kicking and sometimes the movements are so vigorous it makes me wonder what he is up to inside.
- Most likely the scheduled C-section will be on the week of 29th June. Will know for sure after next appointment with Dr Nik next Friday.
- Decided to organize my finances (that is in the state of disarray after all these purchases) and prioritize things to be completed before delivery.
- Spoke to another old friend this evening and had a good laugh over hal2 merapu as usual.
- Nausea is still there and has not eased one bit. Asked the maid to make fresh orange juice to ease the nausea.
- Things are coming nicely, the new maid is here, she seems hard-working enough, we are as ready as we can be for the new arrival.
- Work is so damning as usual and oh God....I need to complete some really serious stuff before end of next week to complete and before I move divisions, if I move.
- Zarif must have missed me. He was the first to hug me and did so for a long time as soon as I arrived and got out of the car.
- Aliah was too engrossed in the Indonesian series on Astro, but hugged me anyways.
- MrM has gone to play badminton. Thought of going to see him play but decided to list things to do and blog instead.
- Have not decided on baby's name yet. MrM says what choice do I have when he is the one who will do the registration.
- My sister said live to the Power of Now. Trying to, but these are trying times.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
36 weeks and counting the days to delivery
Monday night I was not able to find the right sleeping position and needless to say I did not sleep well. Tuesday I knew I had back-to-back meetings that requires me to be prepared and mentally alert. How can I be when I did not have much sleep the night before?
After confirming the arrival of my second order from Nek Rock, and opening the USPS parcel eagerly to see the contents of my frivolous spending, I decided that I was not up to the day at all and told MrM that I needed to see the gynaecologist today since we would not be able to make it on the scheduled appointment on Thursday.
We went, and after waiting awhile, saw the doctor and he confirmed that the baby's size is 36 weeks, weighing already est 2.7kg and placenta is maturing very nicely. And he thinks the delivery will be earlier than later. In order to prepare for the earlier part, he decided on admitting me to GIMC to administer Dexa shots that will help mature the baby's lungs.
I have therefore been here for a day and a half, Dexa administered at 4pm yesterday and 5:30am this morning. These shots are so painful! Nothing beats staying in the hospital to rest, do nothing, relax and not worry so much about work and having a good night's sleep with the help of sleeping tablets. Last night was probably the best sleep I had for a very long time....
MrM went home to pack clothes, toiletries, and very important notebook and internet access and came back around 7pm with Aliah. MrM and Aliah had dinner at D*me downstairs and I had hot chocolate. MrM had spicy olio, Aliah had her usual favourite, fish and chips. It was very relaxed I thought and I had a bit more focus and energy to entertain Aliah a bit. They left last night at about 8:30pm to be in time to pick up Zarif from tuition at 9:30pm.
Today MrM came early to bring me my underwear (he forgot to pack those the day before) and I was underwear-less last night. He went to renew the Accord's insurance and road tax, Dr Nik came and said that I could go out provided I inform the nurses. Quickly called MrM, who was already done with the car insurance and road tax renewal and said let's go out and have lunch together. We had early lunch and then off we went to The Curve to buy some more baby stuff and we bought the bath tub, the carry cot neck snuggle support, blanket and to Ikea to buy a table to put the baby bath tub on. And other things not necessary I thought.
There was one more trip we made to settle the refund of the Brevi bath tub purchase at Planete Enfants that was not to be delivered on time. I don't want to dwell on what went on today. Sufficient to say that the whole experience at Planete Enfants was a bad one and I do not ever want to go there anymore! Customer service is Greek to these people at the rate they went on and on!
A good friend came to visit and we had a nice talk first in the room and then later at D*me. We were room-mates for a good 2 or 3 years in boarding school and although we kept in touch, I have not had the chance to have a one-on-one conversation at this age with her like we did today. Thanks again for your time. It meant a lot to me. At times like this when I also have insecurities of my own, I relish these conversations that allow me to draw from your views, experiences and more importantly your strength.
I am now back into these four walls, another CTG (heartbeat and contraction monitor) scheduled at 9pm. On a more positive note, Munirah has improved significantly evidenced by her first term results and I am very happy for her. That was a good morale booster and if she maintains her performance, MrM will have to dish out the money to buy her the DSLR.
MrM, despite my ups and downs with him this pregnancy, actually has been very supportive of me sometimes at the expense of his health, especially in entertaining my eating idiosyncracies. He rubs my back in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, he showers me with love when I feel so insecure about my body, my skin and the scars from scratching. He sends the kids to tuition, piano classes, camps, their school needs, bicycle rides, soccer games, fooling around with them when all I do is sleep or lounge around in the bedroom. He has been fixing things around the house, plans for this and that, running errands, sending me here and there and I am ever so grateful to my dearest husband for all he does and more for his tender loving care.
Happy Father's Day to all fathers and a special one for the one love of my life, MrM.
After confirming the arrival of my second order from Nek Rock, and opening the USPS parcel eagerly to see the contents of my frivolous spending, I decided that I was not up to the day at all and told MrM that I needed to see the gynaecologist today since we would not be able to make it on the scheduled appointment on Thursday.
We went, and after waiting awhile, saw the doctor and he confirmed that the baby's size is 36 weeks, weighing already est 2.7kg and placenta is maturing very nicely. And he thinks the delivery will be earlier than later. In order to prepare for the earlier part, he decided on admitting me to GIMC to administer Dexa shots that will help mature the baby's lungs.
I have therefore been here for a day and a half, Dexa administered at 4pm yesterday and 5:30am this morning. These shots are so painful! Nothing beats staying in the hospital to rest, do nothing, relax and not worry so much about work and having a good night's sleep with the help of sleeping tablets. Last night was probably the best sleep I had for a very long time....
MrM went home to pack clothes, toiletries, and very important notebook and internet access and came back around 7pm with Aliah. MrM and Aliah had dinner at D*me downstairs and I had hot chocolate. MrM had spicy olio, Aliah had her usual favourite, fish and chips. It was very relaxed I thought and I had a bit more focus and energy to entertain Aliah a bit. They left last night at about 8:30pm to be in time to pick up Zarif from tuition at 9:30pm.
Today MrM came early to bring me my underwear (he forgot to pack those the day before) and I was underwear-less last night. He went to renew the Accord's insurance and road tax, Dr Nik came and said that I could go out provided I inform the nurses. Quickly called MrM, who was already done with the car insurance and road tax renewal and said let's go out and have lunch together. We had early lunch and then off we went to The Curve to buy some more baby stuff and we bought the bath tub, the carry cot neck snuggle support, blanket and to Ikea to buy a table to put the baby bath tub on. And other things not necessary I thought.
There was one more trip we made to settle the refund of the Brevi bath tub purchase at Planete Enfants that was not to be delivered on time. I don't want to dwell on what went on today. Sufficient to say that the whole experience at Planete Enfants was a bad one and I do not ever want to go there anymore! Customer service is Greek to these people at the rate they went on and on!
A good friend came to visit and we had a nice talk first in the room and then later at D*me. We were room-mates for a good 2 or 3 years in boarding school and although we kept in touch, I have not had the chance to have a one-on-one conversation at this age with her like we did today. Thanks again for your time. It meant a lot to me. At times like this when I also have insecurities of my own, I relish these conversations that allow me to draw from your views, experiences and more importantly your strength.
I am now back into these four walls, another CTG (heartbeat and contraction monitor) scheduled at 9pm. On a more positive note, Munirah has improved significantly evidenced by her first term results and I am very happy for her. That was a good morale booster and if she maintains her performance, MrM will have to dish out the money to buy her the DSLR.
MrM, despite my ups and downs with him this pregnancy, actually has been very supportive of me sometimes at the expense of his health, especially in entertaining my eating idiosyncracies. He rubs my back in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, he showers me with love when I feel so insecure about my body, my skin and the scars from scratching. He sends the kids to tuition, piano classes, camps, their school needs, bicycle rides, soccer games, fooling around with them when all I do is sleep or lounge around in the bedroom. He has been fixing things around the house, plans for this and that, running errands, sending me here and there and I am ever so grateful to my dearest husband for all he does and more for his tender loving care.
Happy Father's Day to all fathers and a special one for the one love of my life, MrM.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Choices you make in life
What a title that is, huh? I wasn't too sure what would be appropriate for this blog entry but decided on that one and you be the judge of the appropriateness of the title, okay?
MrM was telling me months ago about this guy who lives in RK (our residential area) and that he took the VSS from a MNC here in Seremban and was applying for a job at the company where MrM works.
He was finally recruited and I think he must have started duty about a month or two months ago.
I was shocked to hear from MrM last weekend that this guy, whom I shall name, MrA, was diagnosed with lymphoma.
We left office early today to pay him a visit at his home in a different section of the same residential area. We were greeted by his wife, a smiling petite lady who remarked that she knew of MrM since they work in the same organization (she is based in PD, though).
So after the formalities and asking when I am due, they invited us into their home and his first conversation starter was "let's sit at the sofa over there so that your wife is more comfortable". How considerate of him.
So he began his story almost immediately about how he was not feeling well and the indicator was the color of his urine was a very dark shade of brown that told him that something was not quite right. Then began his journey from one medical center to another when finally he was confirmed having lymphoma. The whole story was too long for me to repeat here but sufficient to say, that he had to take matters in his own hands to get to the heart of the matter, what exactly does he have?
What I am about to write is not so much his medical journey but rather MrA's attitude towards the disease which is somewhere between Stage 2 to Stage 3. According to statistics at Stage 2, one has a 75% chance of recovery and living beyond 5 years whereas at Stage 3 the percentge becomes 25. MrA looked pale and because his liver was not functioning very well, which explains the color of his urine and he is a tinge yellowish, even though he says just a week ago his colouring was yellow like someone had painted on him that color.
I thought first when he started the conversation that he was jovial and he said that he needed to come to terms with the disease, both mentally and physically. Then he says that dia "redho" with what God has planned for him and he attributes that to perhaps when he was younger, there were things that he did that was not good and also to the fact that at one time, he had a big row with his mother to the point that he felt was "derhaka" and he would not step into his mother's house. Therefore to him, God is merciful in giving him this dugaan and provides him the opportunity to "mintak ampun" to his ailing mother. Later on he said that he would rather his wife go to work rather than accompany him for his chemo sessions because he didn't want her to be around him all the time to watch him when she could do something better with time. He was quoting the fact that when his father was ill, all they did was sleep at the hospital while he is sleeping and there are times when he needs people around but not all the time.
As the conversation moved on to his mother, how he informed his mother about his disease and if he goes first, he wants his mother's burial plot to be beside his, and him telling us that with this dugaan, he gets to spend more time with his kids now (ages 12, 9 and 6), I could see the sadness in his eyes.....that it must be difficult at times like this to put up a brave front when you know that your time is perhaps limited and yet you are determined to put up a brave fight.
Whether or not he survives to tell his experience is not for anyone to say. Cancer is as much your choice in responding to it mentally as it is in how your body responds to the disease and the onslaught of treatments. He felt that he was more at peace with himself compared to a few years ago and attributes it to the fact that he just came back from performing his Hajj last year and the sense of calm that Hajj provided him in dealing with this disease.
Upon returning home from the visit, I felt sad, to say the least. I have been on an emotional roller-coaster this past 8 months and in retrospect, I felt I complained more than I am grateful with what God has bestowed upon me. I also started thinking about my life, my wrongdoings, my relationship with my own mother, my siblings, my friends and started thinking that I could have done more. I could have taken the easier path of being more consenting, patient, sense of empathy rather than seeing the world only through my lenses and values. I could have played a bigger role in the lives of people who are close to me and mean a lot to me.
I know and I do realize this. This visit is just one of life little reminders on our purpose in this world.....
MrM was telling me months ago about this guy who lives in RK (our residential area) and that he took the VSS from a MNC here in Seremban and was applying for a job at the company where MrM works.
He was finally recruited and I think he must have started duty about a month or two months ago.
I was shocked to hear from MrM last weekend that this guy, whom I shall name, MrA, was diagnosed with lymphoma.
We left office early today to pay him a visit at his home in a different section of the same residential area. We were greeted by his wife, a smiling petite lady who remarked that she knew of MrM since they work in the same organization (she is based in PD, though).
So after the formalities and asking when I am due, they invited us into their home and his first conversation starter was "let's sit at the sofa over there so that your wife is more comfortable". How considerate of him.
So he began his story almost immediately about how he was not feeling well and the indicator was the color of his urine was a very dark shade of brown that told him that something was not quite right. Then began his journey from one medical center to another when finally he was confirmed having lymphoma. The whole story was too long for me to repeat here but sufficient to say, that he had to take matters in his own hands to get to the heart of the matter, what exactly does he have?
What I am about to write is not so much his medical journey but rather MrA's attitude towards the disease which is somewhere between Stage 2 to Stage 3. According to statistics at Stage 2, one has a 75% chance of recovery and living beyond 5 years whereas at Stage 3 the percentge becomes 25. MrA looked pale and because his liver was not functioning very well, which explains the color of his urine and he is a tinge yellowish, even though he says just a week ago his colouring was yellow like someone had painted on him that color.
I thought first when he started the conversation that he was jovial and he said that he needed to come to terms with the disease, both mentally and physically. Then he says that dia "redho" with what God has planned for him and he attributes that to perhaps when he was younger, there were things that he did that was not good and also to the fact that at one time, he had a big row with his mother to the point that he felt was "derhaka" and he would not step into his mother's house. Therefore to him, God is merciful in giving him this dugaan and provides him the opportunity to "mintak ampun" to his ailing mother. Later on he said that he would rather his wife go to work rather than accompany him for his chemo sessions because he didn't want her to be around him all the time to watch him when she could do something better with time. He was quoting the fact that when his father was ill, all they did was sleep at the hospital while he is sleeping and there are times when he needs people around but not all the time.
As the conversation moved on to his mother, how he informed his mother about his disease and if he goes first, he wants his mother's burial plot to be beside his, and him telling us that with this dugaan, he gets to spend more time with his kids now (ages 12, 9 and 6), I could see the sadness in his eyes.....that it must be difficult at times like this to put up a brave front when you know that your time is perhaps limited and yet you are determined to put up a brave fight.
Whether or not he survives to tell his experience is not for anyone to say. Cancer is as much your choice in responding to it mentally as it is in how your body responds to the disease and the onslaught of treatments. He felt that he was more at peace with himself compared to a few years ago and attributes it to the fact that he just came back from performing his Hajj last year and the sense of calm that Hajj provided him in dealing with this disease.
Upon returning home from the visit, I felt sad, to say the least. I have been on an emotional roller-coaster this past 8 months and in retrospect, I felt I complained more than I am grateful with what God has bestowed upon me. I also started thinking about my life, my wrongdoings, my relationship with my own mother, my siblings, my friends and started thinking that I could have done more. I could have taken the easier path of being more consenting, patient, sense of empathy rather than seeing the world only through my lenses and values. I could have played a bigger role in the lives of people who are close to me and mean a lot to me.
I know and I do realize this. This visit is just one of life little reminders on our purpose in this world.....
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Call it whatever you want, I feel down
I don't know why I feel this way......guilt, lethargy, not able to concentrate at work, too much work, frustration, aiming for perfection, and a host of other things.
The problem with me is that I worry too much and this trait gets to me sometimes. Just today we were talking about an office colleague whose baby died at 8 months in utero and I start thinking what if that happens to me. Will I be able to handle the emotions of losing a baby?
Then worry over the scheduled C-section this early July. I worry that at this age I will have complications during surgery. I worry that at this age my threshold for pain is lower and would have difficulty moving post delivery. Worry again.
Work is not easing up either. Reality is, in this organization, nobody cares that you are pregnant and tired. Nobody cares that you have too many things on your plate. If I worked till the day before delivery, nobody cares if you do and that makes you jittery that you have had not much rest prior to delivery.
Guilt is this feeling I have that during this pregnancy I have not been able to do much except for sit around, sleep and rest. I have not been spending enough time with my kids. Alone time with each one of them. And they are growing up so quickly. Guilt is the fact that we did not bring them anywhere this school holidays except for a trip to KL for my recent doctor's check. Guilt is the fact that I don't have quality time despite saying I need to have more quality time with them. Guilt is the fact that I rely too much on my maid to do a lot of things. Guilt is when I am not guiding my kids in the way that I want to.
Feeling low is that sometimes I want more attention from MrM and at this point he just doesn't understand my emotional state. Feeling down is when he is in a bad mood I am always to be blamed because he is tired and sometimes my meetings end a bit later. Feeling low is sometimes I need words of assurance from him that everything will be all right but he doesn't. Feeling low is sometime he approaches the world only from his lense and not anyone else's. Feeling low is I feel like I am a tool in this organization where I work. Feeling low is the fact that I feel challenged in the potential new responsibility and have very little confidence. Feeling low is that I snap at people at work, call a spade a spade, and that happens a lot these days and people view me as just making things difficult when my superior is nice to everyone.
Tired is when you try to sleep in the car and you worry that your other half drives like mad. And you can't sleep for fear that if he gets himself into an accident, you die sleeping. Tired is when you expect people to perform to some level of standards but they waste your time through meetings that does not get anywhere. Tired and angry. Tired is when your staff wants to be independent and yet never learns to be tactful and learn the subject matter required out of the job. Tired is telling people there needs to be depth in your thinking but they just don't get the depth that is required.
I do feel a bit low these days....
The problem with me is that I worry too much and this trait gets to me sometimes. Just today we were talking about an office colleague whose baby died at 8 months in utero and I start thinking what if that happens to me. Will I be able to handle the emotions of losing a baby?
Then worry over the scheduled C-section this early July. I worry that at this age I will have complications during surgery. I worry that at this age my threshold for pain is lower and would have difficulty moving post delivery. Worry again.
Work is not easing up either. Reality is, in this organization, nobody cares that you are pregnant and tired. Nobody cares that you have too many things on your plate. If I worked till the day before delivery, nobody cares if you do and that makes you jittery that you have had not much rest prior to delivery.
Guilt is this feeling I have that during this pregnancy I have not been able to do much except for sit around, sleep and rest. I have not been spending enough time with my kids. Alone time with each one of them. And they are growing up so quickly. Guilt is the fact that we did not bring them anywhere this school holidays except for a trip to KL for my recent doctor's check. Guilt is the fact that I don't have quality time despite saying I need to have more quality time with them. Guilt is the fact that I rely too much on my maid to do a lot of things. Guilt is when I am not guiding my kids in the way that I want to.
Feeling low is that sometimes I want more attention from MrM and at this point he just doesn't understand my emotional state. Feeling down is when he is in a bad mood I am always to be blamed because he is tired and sometimes my meetings end a bit later. Feeling low is sometimes I need words of assurance from him that everything will be all right but he doesn't. Feeling low is sometime he approaches the world only from his lense and not anyone else's. Feeling low is I feel like I am a tool in this organization where I work. Feeling low is the fact that I feel challenged in the potential new responsibility and have very little confidence. Feeling low is that I snap at people at work, call a spade a spade, and that happens a lot these days and people view me as just making things difficult when my superior is nice to everyone.
Tired is when you try to sleep in the car and you worry that your other half drives like mad. And you can't sleep for fear that if he gets himself into an accident, you die sleeping. Tired is when you expect people to perform to some level of standards but they waste your time through meetings that does not get anywhere. Tired and angry. Tired is when your staff wants to be independent and yet never learns to be tactful and learn the subject matter required out of the job. Tired is telling people there needs to be depth in your thinking but they just don't get the depth that is required.
I do feel a bit low these days....
Saturday, June 06, 2009
There can never be enough shoes and bags
I have been indulging since last year and this fascination with shoes and bags must end.......
What can I do that is not too tiring?
First MrM suggested we go to Muar to visit his father. I told him ok, let's go. Then he decided against it, said that it was just a tiring trip and I agreed since my energy level is only up to 2pm, if I am lucky, and then I have to nap.
Then he decided to go to Labu to find used cengal wood to build a pagola and he is on the way there now. I wanted to go to Comfort Home to see curtain materials for the kids' rooms, especially.
Maybe I shall do some housekeeping on my wardrobe (bags and shoes included) but just thinking about it makes me tired.
Spring cleaning kids wardrobe, mana yg muat, mana yg tak muat, mana yg boleh disimpan, mana yg Aliah boleh pakai.
And apasal lah Internet ni slow gila even though it is HSDPA?
And yeay, My DB is coming soon.....tu yg gumbira sangat ni....
Spring cleaning kids bedroom....
Mcm2 lah nak spring clean....
Then he decided to go to Labu to find used cengal wood to build a pagola and he is on the way there now. I wanted to go to Comfort Home to see curtain materials for the kids' rooms, especially.
Maybe I shall do some housekeeping on my wardrobe (bags and shoes included) but just thinking about it makes me tired.
Spring cleaning kids wardrobe, mana yg muat, mana yg tak muat, mana yg boleh disimpan, mana yg Aliah boleh pakai.
And apasal lah Internet ni slow gila even though it is HSDPA?
And yeay, My DB is coming soon.....tu yg gumbira sangat ni....
Spring cleaning kids bedroom....
Mcm2 lah nak spring clean....
Friday, June 05, 2009
Doctor's appointment today
Today is public holiday for both MrM and I, a replacement for the public holiday that falls on a Saturday, that being the official Agung's birthday tomorrow.
I woke up early, got the kids to get up early and the maid to be ready because tday I have a doctor's appointment at GIMC and MrM needs to bring the maid to renew her passport that will be expiring in January 2010.
I didn't sleep all that well last night and initially woke up at 4:15am and slept in an upright position on the wing chair in our bedroom. I slept until about 5:50am and figured that I might as well get up since I can't really sleep anymore.
We left at about 7:10 am it must have been and headed towards our usual breakfast spot. MrM forgot his handphone and decided to drop us there and get his handphone and the other thing that he forgot, the smart tag.
After breakfast we headed for KL , MrM decided to take the MRR and found ourselves in a traffic jam as we approached the Pandan area. Detoured and took inner roads that paid off and finally reached GIMC at 8:40am it must have been. MrM dropped me, Zarif and Aliah and off they (MrM, Munirah and maid) went to the Indonesian embassy to renew Yati's passport.
I was the first patient yeayy...and while waiting for Dr to arrive I dozed off....feeling the lethargy of sleeplessness last nite. That wasn't too long though, in fact, Zarif slept longer. Dr Nik arrived shortly and I was called in being the first patient.
Since 2 weeks ago, I have put on another 400 grams, urine is clear and my blood pressure is 106/77. I complained about this nausea that has come back, my state of hunger which I think is due to angin and Dr Nik says that could probably be due to my intestines not working too well as I approach my due date.
Zarif and Aliah was called in for the ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed that the baby has turned and no longer in breach position. Baby is estimated to be 2kg by now and looks actively moving about in there. The placenta has a bit of calcium deposits, indicative of a maturing placenta. When asked whether the baby is indeed a boy, Dr Nik pointed to his scrotum and Aliah goes "Scrotum tu apa Ma? Scrotum tu apa Ma?". Tak dapatlah nak explain kat depan doktor tu kan.....tapi eloklah dia bertanya2 tu sebabnya Aliah's ambition is to become a gynaecologist.
Next appointment is in 2 weeks and it looks like the scheduled C-section will be on the week of July 6, 2009.
I woke up early, got the kids to get up early and the maid to be ready because tday I have a doctor's appointment at GIMC and MrM needs to bring the maid to renew her passport that will be expiring in January 2010.
I didn't sleep all that well last night and initially woke up at 4:15am and slept in an upright position on the wing chair in our bedroom. I slept until about 5:50am and figured that I might as well get up since I can't really sleep anymore.
We left at about 7:10 am it must have been and headed towards our usual breakfast spot. MrM forgot his handphone and decided to drop us there and get his handphone and the other thing that he forgot, the smart tag.
After breakfast we headed for KL , MrM decided to take the MRR and found ourselves in a traffic jam as we approached the Pandan area. Detoured and took inner roads that paid off and finally reached GIMC at 8:40am it must have been. MrM dropped me, Zarif and Aliah and off they (MrM, Munirah and maid) went to the Indonesian embassy to renew Yati's passport.
I was the first patient yeayy...and while waiting for Dr to arrive I dozed off....feeling the lethargy of sleeplessness last nite. That wasn't too long though, in fact, Zarif slept longer. Dr Nik arrived shortly and I was called in being the first patient.
Since 2 weeks ago, I have put on another 400 grams, urine is clear and my blood pressure is 106/77. I complained about this nausea that has come back, my state of hunger which I think is due to angin and Dr Nik says that could probably be due to my intestines not working too well as I approach my due date.
Zarif and Aliah was called in for the ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed that the baby has turned and no longer in breach position. Baby is estimated to be 2kg by now and looks actively moving about in there. The placenta has a bit of calcium deposits, indicative of a maturing placenta. When asked whether the baby is indeed a boy, Dr Nik pointed to his scrotum and Aliah goes "Scrotum tu apa Ma? Scrotum tu apa Ma?". Tak dapatlah nak explain kat depan doktor tu kan.....tapi eloklah dia bertanya2 tu sebabnya Aliah's ambition is to become a gynaecologist.
Next appointment is in 2 weeks and it looks like the scheduled C-section will be on the week of July 6, 2009.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Stress Buster
Because of my state right now and top it off with my feelings of inadequacy and incapable of doing anything productive, I have inflicted damage on my bank balance by shopping stuff that I need and stuff that I don't need.
Stuff I need :
From Mothercare (courtesy of colleague on overseas posting in UK)
Stuff I need :
From Mothercare (courtesy of colleague on overseas posting in UK)
- Nursing bras (2 packs of 2)
- Baby short sleeved bodysuits (2 packs)
- Breast pads
From Chicco, Parkson
- Nice smelling baby toiletries
Stuff I don't really need but makes me feel good having them :
From Parkson
- Prego Slip ons
From USA
- Tote bag (LE and EA)
- Toiletry bag
- One size smaller cropped pants (thinking that I will lose this weight)
- Dooney Bourke Pebbled Grain Shopper (in red pulak lagi)
- Polo Ralph Lauren Classic Fit Match polos (3)
- Mini bag from EA
Some courtesy of Nek Rock.
And oh yes, a condominium in Ampang....
Damage so far....only for things I don't need is RM 3XXX.XX.
And I am spending beyond my means.....sigh! Cemana nak save duit macam ni....that is what happens when you are preggers at this age....excuse aje.....
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Memories of grandparents
This morning on Fly.FM the topic of the day was what kind of a grandmother would you like? The traditional one that cooks your favourite food or the grandmother that is still wearing tight jeans, spaghetti strap outfits and goes for line dancing lessons?
Ben says as long as his grandmother gives him RM50 every day he really doesn't care or something like that. Nadia was saying that when things didn't work out between her grandfather and grandmother, her grandfather remarried and her step-grandmother was more of the hip type compared to her grandmother who was more the traditional type and she loves both of them. Had the best of both, that Nadia. Then there were a string of callers expressing the grandmothers that they preferred that I don't really care to discuss in detail here.
The reason for bringing up this topic here today (apart from lack of anything else to write about) is to talk about the grandparents I had.
I had what anyone would call the "traditional" type. After all my mother is already 77 years old and she is "traditional" in a sense, then her parents were definitely not in the hip category. And so are my dad's parents.
What I can remember about my grandmother on my mother's side is her cooking on a "dapur kayu api" and as a child I remembered how delicious her cooking was. I remember Uwan telling me stories at night as I was about to sleep (and I would ask her to repeat the same story again and again) and her favourite being "si tikus yang ingin membaiki labu-labunya". The stories that were told always had value lessons to be imparted to a 9 year old. I remember when I was down with asthma at the age of 11 and how my grandmother made sure that I took my medicine and to make things difficult, I loathed taking pills and Uwan had to dissolve those pills into a syrup drink and forced me to take that drink (which in retrospect was even worse and for the longest time I could not drink syrup because I associated that with medicine). I also remembered in her last days in the hospital I see her shed a tear when my mother and her siblings were arguing over certain things.
Uwan's name is Zabedah and to my husband she is Wan Bedah. Uwan and my husband's grandfather Haji Maakhir are siblings. Which makes me and MrM related but not by blood since both our mothers are adopted.
My grandfather's official name is Salleh but to most he is Haji Mahat. God knows where that came from and that perhaps can only be answered by my eldest sister or my own mother.
Atuk was a bit strict in that he will shout and ask me to change my attire if he sees me wearing shorts. At the age of 9, okay???
The most vivid memory that I have of Atuk was that he loved reading my report cards from MRSM. He would read every page and I am not sure what his criteria was in terms of what was good and what was not, but by the end of his assessment, he would hand out RM5.00 to me. That meant a lot to me those days. I didn't think it was the RM5.00, rather that the RM5.00 symbolizes his seal of approval on my academic performance. Mind you, I was NOT top of the class in school but I didn't think I was at the bottom 20 either. So in a way, that was a morale booster to a teenager, and you know, as parents we should be going back to those fundamentals of reviewing our child's progress incrementally and instil confidence in our kids of their abilities, boosting morale, rather than comparing them with other superstar academics of other kids. Which I tend to do, especially with Munirah.
I didn't have much interaction with my grandfather from my father's side, Atuk Kassim, and my dad's mother, Tiawan, passed away way before I was even born perhaps and I only knew of my step-grandmother, who also died when I was still in primary school, I think.
My kids only knows my mother as a grandmother and never knew the grandfather Abah was as he passed on even before I got married. Of course, my kids remember my husband's mother very well, his father as the only Atuk they will ever know and the Uwan in my father-in-law's second wife.
My mother (when times are good) is good to my kids and gives them sugar treats of all sorts (much to my horror). I guess that is her way and my kids will always check out her refrigerator to see if there is anything in stock. My husband's father comes every now and then and occassionally gives them money or just by being there spending time with us. I guess that is what my kids will remember when they get older and blog like I am right this very moment.
Of course there are influences that shaped my childhood and the values I have in life but I must say in my case, my grandparents from my mother's side had a role in that......
Ben says as long as his grandmother gives him RM50 every day he really doesn't care or something like that. Nadia was saying that when things didn't work out between her grandfather and grandmother, her grandfather remarried and her step-grandmother was more of the hip type compared to her grandmother who was more the traditional type and she loves both of them. Had the best of both, that Nadia. Then there were a string of callers expressing the grandmothers that they preferred that I don't really care to discuss in detail here.
The reason for bringing up this topic here today (apart from lack of anything else to write about) is to talk about the grandparents I had.
I had what anyone would call the "traditional" type. After all my mother is already 77 years old and she is "traditional" in a sense, then her parents were definitely not in the hip category. And so are my dad's parents.
What I can remember about my grandmother on my mother's side is her cooking on a "dapur kayu api" and as a child I remembered how delicious her cooking was. I remember Uwan telling me stories at night as I was about to sleep (and I would ask her to repeat the same story again and again) and her favourite being "si tikus yang ingin membaiki labu-labunya". The stories that were told always had value lessons to be imparted to a 9 year old. I remember when I was down with asthma at the age of 11 and how my grandmother made sure that I took my medicine and to make things difficult, I loathed taking pills and Uwan had to dissolve those pills into a syrup drink and forced me to take that drink (which in retrospect was even worse and for the longest time I could not drink syrup because I associated that with medicine). I also remembered in her last days in the hospital I see her shed a tear when my mother and her siblings were arguing over certain things.
Uwan's name is Zabedah and to my husband she is Wan Bedah. Uwan and my husband's grandfather Haji Maakhir are siblings. Which makes me and MrM related but not by blood since both our mothers are adopted.
My grandfather's official name is Salleh but to most he is Haji Mahat. God knows where that came from and that perhaps can only be answered by my eldest sister or my own mother.
Atuk was a bit strict in that he will shout and ask me to change my attire if he sees me wearing shorts. At the age of 9, okay???
The most vivid memory that I have of Atuk was that he loved reading my report cards from MRSM. He would read every page and I am not sure what his criteria was in terms of what was good and what was not, but by the end of his assessment, he would hand out RM5.00 to me. That meant a lot to me those days. I didn't think it was the RM5.00, rather that the RM5.00 symbolizes his seal of approval on my academic performance. Mind you, I was NOT top of the class in school but I didn't think I was at the bottom 20 either. So in a way, that was a morale booster to a teenager, and you know, as parents we should be going back to those fundamentals of reviewing our child's progress incrementally and instil confidence in our kids of their abilities, boosting morale, rather than comparing them with other superstar academics of other kids. Which I tend to do, especially with Munirah.
I didn't have much interaction with my grandfather from my father's side, Atuk Kassim, and my dad's mother, Tiawan, passed away way before I was even born perhaps and I only knew of my step-grandmother, who also died when I was still in primary school, I think.
My kids only knows my mother as a grandmother and never knew the grandfather Abah was as he passed on even before I got married. Of course, my kids remember my husband's mother very well, his father as the only Atuk they will ever know and the Uwan in my father-in-law's second wife.
My mother (when times are good) is good to my kids and gives them sugar treats of all sorts (much to my horror). I guess that is her way and my kids will always check out her refrigerator to see if there is anything in stock. My husband's father comes every now and then and occassionally gives them money or just by being there spending time with us. I guess that is what my kids will remember when they get older and blog like I am right this very moment.
Of course there are influences that shaped my childhood and the values I have in life but I must say in my case, my grandparents from my mother's side had a role in that......
Monday, June 01, 2009
School holidays and looking forward to delivery
I am soo looking forward to delivering this baby. I have put on 14kg and I am tired most of the time. I think I mentioned earlier that my sleep is usually disturbed due to trying to find the right positions to sleep resulting into sleeplessness and all sort of body aches.
Zarif woke up feeling unwell, with temperature that became high fever, cough and headache. I took time off today from work to bring him to the clinic. He was upset with me for being late, I slept again after waking up at 5:30am and by the time I got myself ready to go out it was already 9:00am and he looked flushed with high temperature and coughing. MrM scolded me for not being sensitive to his needs. Okay, so I wasn't. I know I should have. Especially with the H1N1 virus going on everywhere.
Brought him to the panel clinic, and Zarif was prescribed with so many types of medicine that I hope will do the trick. We sent him home and I think the medicine did do its trick because he invited his pal Amin to the house to play PS2 games with him a bit later. So much for being sick. With mama, he complains, cries and tells me he has a headache. Zarif thinks that medicine is his panacea to everything. He has a slight headache, he wants Panadol. I don't want him to get into the habit of taking panadol all the time whenever he feels unwell. And as for inviting Amin his best friend, well that boy is still out there playing with Zarif. Surely he cannot show to his friend his frail state this morning right? That state is reserved only for parents. (Found out Zarif vomited after the KFC lunch and MrM blamed me for buying the KFC when I knew Zarif is sick and that he will not be able to resist KFC. Tried to compensate by giving Zarif head massages with minyak angin tonight, which he enjoys so much and he knows only his Mama gives him that. It was a good feeling and I felt close to him by doing that)
Of course, this school holidays the kids have been asking if we were planning to go somewhere. And in the very pregnant state that I am now, my answer to that is yeah we are going to Washington DC.....of course we are not going anywhere this next 2 weeks. We only promised to go to KL this Friday for my doctor's appointment and for MrM to bring the maid to have a new passport made. After the doctor's appointment, if MrM is not yet done, then I will take a cab to KLCC with the kids from GIMC and bring them to Kinokuniya. I have a RM50 Kino voucher still unused and the kids can choose whatever books they desire.
Last Saturday, Ah Choon the pasar malam fruit trader gave me some of his words of wisdom. "You ah, sudah macam ni ah....hati tak mau risau....mesti hati tenang....lagipun ah....I tengok you ah....ok saja maa....tak ada nampak berat sangat....saya punya wife dulu pun banyak penat ooo ini jam...."
He must be saying that due to my facial expression that just invites comments of all sorts from all sorts of people. He is right though. I should shrug my worries away.....and not be a worry wart all the time. I am tired of being responsible. I want to be frivolous and spontaneous. I want to say what I want to say and not think what want to say and not worry what people think of what I said. Even though that was not what I think A Choon the fruit trader meant, I think that would certainly help me "shrug my worries away...."
On a happier note, I indulged in spontaneity by purchasing stuff that I really don't need. Except for the nursing bras, breast pads and baby bodysuits from Mothercare courtesy of a colleague posted in London who came back last Friday. I do need that assuming that I will have enough breast milk for the baby. I am after all expressing colostrum now at this stage. And an Adidas T-shirt from Al-Ikhsan paid for by MrM. Bodysuits are so handy for babies and the ones that are sold here are mostly in the 9-12 month range. And I have been to Mothercare at three places, The Curve, Alamanda and KLCC and couldn't find 3 to 6 month range. When I heard she was coming back in June, well apa lagi kirim lah. I was supposed to go to London in July to attend a Board meeting but by that time, I probably would have delivered. And MrM did warn me not to make ay business trips whilethe baby is still small......I wouldn't want to anyways...
Munirah, in the meantime, must not be enjoying the Math camp or pretends not to enjoy when we spoke to her this evening. Tired, sleepy, all sorts of complaints....Told her to focus and learn as much as she can. She will be coming home tomorrow and I want her to be back home.
Zarif woke up feeling unwell, with temperature that became high fever, cough and headache. I took time off today from work to bring him to the clinic. He was upset with me for being late, I slept again after waking up at 5:30am and by the time I got myself ready to go out it was already 9:00am and he looked flushed with high temperature and coughing. MrM scolded me for not being sensitive to his needs. Okay, so I wasn't. I know I should have. Especially with the H1N1 virus going on everywhere.
Brought him to the panel clinic, and Zarif was prescribed with so many types of medicine that I hope will do the trick. We sent him home and I think the medicine did do its trick because he invited his pal Amin to the house to play PS2 games with him a bit later. So much for being sick. With mama, he complains, cries and tells me he has a headache. Zarif thinks that medicine is his panacea to everything. He has a slight headache, he wants Panadol. I don't want him to get into the habit of taking panadol all the time whenever he feels unwell. And as for inviting Amin his best friend, well that boy is still out there playing with Zarif. Surely he cannot show to his friend his frail state this morning right? That state is reserved only for parents. (Found out Zarif vomited after the KFC lunch and MrM blamed me for buying the KFC when I knew Zarif is sick and that he will not be able to resist KFC. Tried to compensate by giving Zarif head massages with minyak angin tonight, which he enjoys so much and he knows only his Mama gives him that. It was a good feeling and I felt close to him by doing that)
Of course, this school holidays the kids have been asking if we were planning to go somewhere. And in the very pregnant state that I am now, my answer to that is yeah we are going to Washington DC.....of course we are not going anywhere this next 2 weeks. We only promised to go to KL this Friday for my doctor's appointment and for MrM to bring the maid to have a new passport made. After the doctor's appointment, if MrM is not yet done, then I will take a cab to KLCC with the kids from GIMC and bring them to Kinokuniya. I have a RM50 Kino voucher still unused and the kids can choose whatever books they desire.
Last Saturday, Ah Choon the pasar malam fruit trader gave me some of his words of wisdom. "You ah, sudah macam ni ah....hati tak mau risau....mesti hati tenang....lagipun ah....I tengok you ah....ok saja maa....tak ada nampak berat sangat....saya punya wife dulu pun banyak penat ooo ini jam...."
He must be saying that due to my facial expression that just invites comments of all sorts from all sorts of people. He is right though. I should shrug my worries away.....and not be a worry wart all the time. I am tired of being responsible. I want to be frivolous and spontaneous. I want to say what I want to say and not think what want to say and not worry what people think of what I said. Even though that was not what I think A Choon the fruit trader meant, I think that would certainly help me "shrug my worries away...."
On a happier note, I indulged in spontaneity by purchasing stuff that I really don't need. Except for the nursing bras, breast pads and baby bodysuits from Mothercare courtesy of a colleague posted in London who came back last Friday. I do need that assuming that I will have enough breast milk for the baby. I am after all expressing colostrum now at this stage. And an Adidas T-shirt from Al-Ikhsan paid for by MrM. Bodysuits are so handy for babies and the ones that are sold here are mostly in the 9-12 month range. And I have been to Mothercare at three places, The Curve, Alamanda and KLCC and couldn't find 3 to 6 month range. When I heard she was coming back in June, well apa lagi kirim lah. I was supposed to go to London in July to attend a Board meeting but by that time, I probably would have delivered. And MrM did warn me not to make ay business trips whilethe baby is still small......I wouldn't want to anyways...
Munirah, in the meantime, must not be enjoying the Math camp or pretends not to enjoy when we spoke to her this evening. Tired, sleepy, all sorts of complaints....Told her to focus and learn as much as she can. She will be coming home tomorrow and I want her to be back home.
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