Madness of Work

Less than 2 months to go to the company's year end.

And the mad rush to conclude many initiatives.

And work related travel.

Last week of February - London (Board meeting and LECL - confirmed)

2nd week of March - Jakarta (tentative)

Sometime in March - Dubai (Board meeting)

Sigh!  A really big sigh!

What I am Thinking Right Now

1. Hardly a week Mak passed on, the Paroi house is now empty, with the exception of Hakim and wife living in the chalet next door and Kak Mong's third son making the house his refuge from his mother's husband whose marriage to Kak Mong he disapproves.
2. Hakim is already up to his antics of wanting his rights in the form of the title to the land behind the Paroi house that is in his name.  And Mak's death certificate to enable him to lay claim to my late father's pension.
3. Kak Yang sensitive to Abg Ghazie's statement "Do not take anything from this house" when she wanted an old photo of the first five siblings in their teenage years with Mak and Abah.  She said that she will never lay foot in the Paroi house anymore except to take what she thinks is hers.
4. Kak Cik's indifference is a story of its own, which I thought began on the funeral day.   But who am I to judge?
5. As the youngest sister, I get the brunt of every sibling wanting to ventilate their feelings, dissatisfaction and grouses.  Trying to be neutral and objective in listening to them is indeed challenging.

MrM told me that time will heal all wounds.  Does time heal all wounds? And how much time does it take to heal?  Or the wound heals closing up all the anger, resentment and doubt inside waiting for the right time to flare up again?

I Have a Mother and She is Now Gone Forever

Mak left us on 2 February 2011 at about 10:10am.  She was 79 years old.

I was by her side, whispering the kalimah shahadah to her right ear, while my eldest sister recited the kalimah shahadah loudly to her left ear, crying but not noticing that Mak has passed on.

I watched her drew her last breath.  It didn't seem like a last breath at all.  A facial expression, twice observed, was all there is to her last moments.

There was Kak Mong, Abg Ghazie, Hakim and I in the room when she left us.  Kak Yang was on her way and Kak Cik had yet to board her flight back from Phuket, I presume.  Harith, ever the grandson dubbed as "budak putih, budak baik" by my mother was also in the room.

Mak is now gone forever.  Yes, she had been ill, having diagnosed with liver cancer, but here I am in my childhood home of my mother's, I feel as though she is still there in the room lying on her bed extending her hands to my kids, especially Harith.  I still remember the last night before she left us that she was complaining of pain.  I still remember the days when Mak would cook our favourite dishes of pulut with sambal ikan bilis, masak ayam cili api with young jackfruit (before this was delegated to the maid).  And in this very room, I remember Mak packing my bags with dry food in preparation for my going to the US to study and how she cried as she packed the ikan bilis, curry powder, etc. neatly in my bag.

You would have read the ups and downs of my relationship with my mother in this blog.  In her heyday, Mak was a strong character, stubborn, always wanting to get her way and I see those same traits in me, particularly in my relationship with my eldest, Munirah.

One evening sometime in November last year I believe, I was alone with Mak.  Knowing that her time with us is limited and how difficult I have been with her, to say the very least, I had said to her "Mak, ampunkanlah dosa2 Dila kek Omak.  Dila banyak tak dongar cakap Omak.  Banyak buek salah kek Omak"

To which she said, "Dila, Omak mano tak sayang kan anak.  Kau ni anak nak.  (meaning I was the wanted child)". Considering the gap between my brother Ghazie who is 11 years older.

I hope that meant forgiveness by Mak.  Syurga itu dibawah tapak kaki ibu.

I was 24 when Abah left us.  And 44 when Mak left us last Wednesday.  With Abah I felt that I didn't have enough time with him.  With Mak, I just miss her.

Al Fatihah.  I pray that Allah bestow his rahmat on both their souls and place them bersama dengan orang yang beriman.  Ameen.

Emotions Running Wild Part 2

If tabulating expenses is what gets to everyone, my brother Ghazie then listed down all the expenses to date and the contributions of each sibling.  Or at least the expenses made that he was aware of.  And as if that was not enough, he also laid down the ground rules.

So here goes this mail from Abang Ghazie, oh wait! before he responded there was another mail from my dearest sister.

 Dear All wassalaam,

 While I tried my best to revive the vacuum cleaner, it has been good only for 3 months..this morning it emitted a smell of burning somewhere..suffice I did not proceed to vacuum to find out, lest it may jode into my lovely face.
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> I will use a penyapu sabut from now on, and a dust pan with a study brush (going out to get one)..I have rolled the carpet in the living room as it serves but as a recipient for future lizard and roach droppings and worse, in the process of cleaning and mopping the place, I happened to shift the console in the lounge..guess what I espied?
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> A DEAD AND DECOMPOSED RAT AND A FROG..PLASTERED TOGETHER (2 in 1 so to speak)... you can't imagine the hoop hoop hoop Red Indian dance that ensued...eep!!
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> I have, and not to the best of my ability, restored some feel of 'freshness' about this house (it is a looong way still...)..
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> Another surprise!!  The toilet at the back of the house has been spewing water from its cistern tank at the rate of 1litre per 2 minutes I daresay.
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> Not very economical right?  Did anybody notice it?  And if so, act upon it?
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> Well, I had..if only to save both water and an escalating bill.  Paid the guy Rm100 half an hour ago.
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> Futher digging into the recesses of a display cupboard, I stumbled upon a what was once a beautiful tray box of cutlery, Ashbury of Sheffield (circa 1978) a loving Hari Raya gift from Ghazie to Bonda.
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> Alas ONLY the dinner knives were left..still a beauty (Sheffield mah) but in need of polishing with Silvo.  As for the rest of the cutlery..they were stolen (!!) by burglars I was told.  Much as I'd like to keep the Made In Sheffield box for posterity, I discovered it is unsalvageable with tiny, tiny maggots eating into its once regal velvety lining..hence I just had to dispose of it.
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> We can't just pretend and ignore rotting stuff, decomposed animals...can we?
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> Oh yes..it is not just lizard and roach droppings...taik tikus too..which I found even in mak's room as today I took it upon myself to mop the entire house, hence all these disgusting  discoveries, something if, had been our own houses, we'd do something about it right? 
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> Furthermore, this house can get frighteningly creepy.  At night, I have to steel myself sometimes, due to strange noises that make me wonder if someone had made their way into the compound since there is no security.
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> The electric gate should be repaired for safety.
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> What are we waiting for?
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> When it is daylight, I'd heave a sigh of relief..another night survived!
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> For the duration of my stay in Wisma Abadi, I'd end up, once the maid is not here, tying both gates together every night with the rusty rantai and locking the padlock.
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> Not very cushy I must say..what does it take to have some semblance of the comforts we enjoy in Tropicana, Taman Tun, Bandar Utama, Rasah Kemayan..just an electric gate convenience...
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> POR FAVOR!!!
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> Adios,
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> Tu hermana bella.
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> Sent from my iPad