10th week

The appointment with Dr Nik today revealed the baby at 9 weeks 5 days about 2.7cm long. I have, as I this was a surprise, put on another 700 grams, making my weight XX.7kg. Munirah, Zarif and Aliah was there to see the ultrasound and the baby moving its head! Excited all of them. Dr Nik had to perform a transvaginal scan to be able to see clearly the development of the baby.

At my age, he is closely monitoring any abnormal nuchal translucency formation behind the baby's neck, which will indicate any abnormalities. What you can see today is apparently normal, and he did say that at 10 weeks he would be able to indicate if there is a thick NT forming. I am not sure whether that would be comforting, but for now we will just have to wait until 12th to 14th weeks to be sure. That does affect me psychologically, in that I am accustomed at work especially that I must get certainty in what we aim to do, and it worries me to a certain extent.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

I am bersyukur to Allah, God Almighty for being blessed with a pregnancy (which hopefully goes well to term) at this age and giving me another opportunity to have another baby.

I am bersyukur to Allah for having had three beautiful children

I am bersyukur to Allah for the husband that my husband is

I had an argument with Munirah tonight over her plans for studying and just lack of interest except for handphones, internet and TV. She makes me so angry at times, it is all I could do to refrain myself from hitting her hard, hoping that will knock some sense into her. Maybe I should leave her just the way she is and accept her as she is.....

December 18th : 8 weeks and due dates

At this doctor's appointment, the size of the embryo is 8 weeks, which makes my due date 31 July 2009. The ultrasound reveals the head, heartbeat and there is only one baby (as the doctor said it, we can tell at this stage, you know). Yeah, images of Jon and Kate and the twins and sextuplets came to mind......and one baby is good....

RM885.00

That was how much the first appointment with Dr Nik costs. Have costs gone that high for a vaginal scan, progesterone shot, doctor's fee and whatever else since 8 years ago?

I had to pay myself since I have not obtained the referral from the panel clinic that is required for the ING guarantee letter....

At 5 weeks, the heartbeat is can be seen only through a vaginal scan.....I am confirmed pregnant~

Food and smells that does not agree with me this time around

Food

• Any form of roti canai
• Strong curry or korma (I can take Pak Lang's curry mee)
• Any fish
• Any vegetable
• San Franscisco Coffee
• Dragonfruit
• Teh tarik

Smell

• The smell of onions in any stir-frying or frying
• Lemon grass depending on how it is cooked
• Cooked rice as you take off the rice cooker cover

9th week and this nausea shows no sign of easing

My "morning sickness" peaks in the evening with extreme nausea, lethargy, bloatedness all rolled into one making me one sorry state....

Progesterone shots

I have decided to go with Dr Nik Husin of Gleneagles Ampang who delivered my 2nd & 3rd babies as my gynae this time around. There is a certain level of comfort that I have with him in that the post delivery recovery was so much better, my C-section cut healed beautifully, and the pain management was also effective.

Compare that to the emergency C-section in delivering Munirah, was in my experience, horror of all horrors. After gaining consciousness, I immediately felt the pain of the cut and coughed and realised the pain all at the same time, and not being able to breathe for the psychological fear that the cough will break the C-section stitches.

Given my history of three miscarriages (between Munirah and Zarif), Dr Nik prescribes Progesterone shots to stabilize the pregnancy until 12 weeks. So far I have had 3 shots, alternating left and right buttocks...for some reason the right side (which has had 2 out of the 3 shots) is itching so badly and I can't stop scratching it and now it is just a block of rash in that area the size of my Blackberry Bold....sigh! more of the discomfort of pregnancy.....

Mixed feelings

This pregnancy have brought a lot of mixed feelings in me....while I look forward having another baby, I knew having one at 42 increases the risks for both me and baby. The first feeling I had was "will this baby be all right? will it be just like Munirah, Zarif and Aliah?" After 3 C-sections, you would think another one would be a breeze. Just thinking about being on the operating table, and when the effects of the spinal wears off and the pain of the C-section creeps in, worries me, too.

Husband says he doesn't understand why I worry about this and he says he just doesn't think about all this at all....yeah, yeah....easy for hime to say, pregnancy is more mind over matter, don't you know?

At work, my superiors, peers and direct reports are accustomed of seeing someone who responds quickly, manages work proactively, multitasks....now just doing ONE task is already hard enough....and at this level that I am, I find the most difficult being providing stewardship to my direct reports over a variety of matters, especially in the areas of IFRM and the delivery of bank alerts.....I just can't seem to get a handle of everything that needs to be addressed and it upsets me.

I seem to get upset over the smallest of things and the bigger things, too....and frankly, the mixed feelings come from the fact that I have been rapidly gaining weight, I feel unfit (eating all the wrong foods), I am not as quick as I used to be at work, I worry about the baby's development, worry about the pain post delivery, I am just miserable...

I didn't manage my risks well

And to think that I am supposed to be an expert in risk management in this organization where I work....obviously those principles in risk management didn't apply when it comes to my personal life. I have never been on any contraceptives, more of my ignorance, but just not wanting to take pills for fear of any side effects.

And conceiving my first three was not easy either....and definitely after 9 years (my youngest is 8 years old), I just didn't think I could.

Poh Ling at Sispa did tell me though that they observed that with the women who lost weight, it became easier to get pregnant. I laughed at her (in the middle of some fat burning session) saying that those must be young women who are at their child-bearing age and certainly will not happen to me.

Say that again......

Finding out

The Long Story

I was attending the Risk Associates Roundtable workshop in PD and still on a no carbohydrate diet in early December. I knew that my period is overdue but didn't think much since it has previously been overdue for two to three months.

I think the early signals were most evidently the fact that I was taking the fiber drink as usual but had constipation problems, I could not take the fiber drink without feeling nauseous and the fact that I had not lost any weight at all in the month of November. Okay, okay.....I admit that I had deviated from what I was supposed to take while in London and Hong Kong, but hey, October with open houses every weekend I was still able to lose 3kg!

I slept very late the last night in PD trying to finish the MC paper, at lost for ideas most of the time, but had to complete it since I was quite sure the team depended on me to complete the paper. Managed to sleep by 5am, I think, and that was not much sleep to begin with. So going into Wednesday, I was so tired already...

Drove back to Seremban, reached home about 3pm and fell asleep on the sofa. I knew I had an appointment at Sispa but was just too weak to go. Complained to Elaine about the fiber drink not helping and decided to go to clinic instead.

At the Clinic

Told Dr Lynn that I have been feeling very tired, my period is overdue and she suggested to do the pregnancy test to rule out all possibilities. Okay what the heck I was sure I wasn't just get the test done. So imagine my face when she told me that I was! My first reaction was, "but I am 42 already....."

Informing Husband

Bear in mind, I had already complained of all the symptoms to my husband the week before. So I send him an SMS just saying "I am" and the response was "Well we have always talked about having another one and having one at this age is a bonus" or something like that.