What else is new

It has been a stressful and tiring past two weeks, to say the least.  Since the start of this year and we are only three weeks into 2010, it has been a whirlwind of activities.....both work and at home.  Scheduling kids tuition, and now that Aliah has joined this bandwagon of needing tuition, I have difficulty remembering what tuition on what day and for whom.  Yeah, I should type out the schedule and print it out, both for kids and driver, and keep forgetting to do that.  Harith is still waking up two or three times a night and with MrM, there has not been any concept of taking turns whatsoever! 

There are still a few things outstanding, Munirah's school fees, Zarif's UPSR school conducted extra classes to include in my calendar, finding Bio, Chemistry and Physics tuition for Munirah, registering both Aliah and Zarif for swimming classes and those are all I can remember for now. 

And I don't even know where to begin where work is concerned.  This new reporting line to VP is the reason for my stress.  The expectations of FRM in general and my stewardship, in particular is foremost in my mind.  Too many things, too little time and energy.  I am grateful that my direct reports are very capable and have been supportive of the multitude of tasks and assignments that I have asked them to do.  But it is just too many and organization is key.  And key to that is the fact that I have not been very organized like I used to.  Which makes me feel I don't have control over the things that I need to do and that stresses me big time.  I am in meetings and meetings and find it difficult to concentrate when at the back of my mind I need to review reports and proposals, and sometimes I do that in meetings.

Stewardship is hard to do.  You have to be technically savvy, digest new things quickly and know what the end game looks like to provide direction.  You have to manage staff motivation and yet be able to call a spade a spade.  You have to be firm and assertive, especially faced with many behavioral challenges. 

Then there are HR related things to follow through, staff mobility and career progression, leadership feedback, year end appraisals, capability rulers, recruitment, and the list continues. 

Don't get me wrong.  I have always maintained that I love what I do and it has always provided me the challenge of learning new things and organizational developments that in my current capacity I will be able to make a meaningful contribution.  So what, then? 

It is just the tug-of-war in balancing family and work.  I have not been successful at all in switching off work stuff when I am at home.  Still thinking of work when I reach home and sometimes continue to do work after all have gone to sleep.  And even though I keep saying that this has to stop, it has never stopped.

And today, all the stress and tiredness have caught up with me and I am down with flu, cough and a very heavy headache.  I decided to just take medical leave today, despite my best intentions to go to work despite not feeling well.  Which means, whatever was scheduled today, will be fitted somewhere in my calendar next week, which means another vicious cycle of having too many things to do in a day.

On a more positive note, I am looking forward to 30th Jan gathering of friends from school at my place.  I am happy to get my tote bags purchased from eBay and gave one to my assistant.  And I am so looking forward to my Bath and Body Works stuff from eBay.  Call it whatever you want, but all this keeps my sanity in check......