Pregger colleague Fifah gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on Monday 20 April 2009 via C-section at 9:11am weighing 3.1kg.
A few of us from office went to visit her at the hospital (and now I am enticed to go to the same hospital with the glass paneled operating theatre except my gynae is not attached to that hospital) and there she was, beaming post delivery and en route to recovery.
There was this rumour going around in the office that she is naming the baby Mohammad Raoul Gonzalez but she confirmed that the baby has yet to be named. (And now the baby boy has a name! Anas Abul Hisyam!)
The baby had all of us crooning over him....such is the miracle of life, one day still bouncing giving little kicks in the womb and the next day, he is there, pure, soft, smelling nice and most of all, bearer of all things positive in this world full of challenges to those who have lived it.
I thought I was done with having babies until this pregnancy. After all, my youngest will be turning 9 years old this December. Both MrM and I have always talked about just having a little one would be nice. It was just talk and I dismissed it as reminiscing those days when my kids were still babies or toddlers. In retrospect, those were the best of times. You felt that they needed you more, we had more time for them with less work responsibilities.
Now Munirah is 15 and questions me why I get angry with her most of the time. There was a time when even taking a bath she would want me to be there bathing with her. Now she locks herself in her room and does not even come down to greet me when I get home. Zarif still wants to be hugged and I know has a soft spot for his mom. Aliah, she still wants to tag along everywhere we go, and I don't know how long that will last. Where they used to enjoy playing with each other, now that they are older, they fight with each other most of the time.
It is indeed a trade-off. When my kids were babies, they needed more nurturing and TLC but now that they have grown-up, the nurturing and TLC is still needed but the type of nurturing and TLC is different. Teaching them values such as hard work, life skills,right from wrong, allowing them freedom within boundaries that is acceptable to you and not to them, balancing being strict and telling my kids I do love them despite my occasional outbursts becomes more prominent as they grow older.
How I miss those days when both MrM and I would just lie on the bed and tickle them to bits and we would be so happy just seeing them laugh. Especially with Munirah, our firstborn who seem so distant now at 15 and yet there are times when she confides in you or tells you with pride her achievements in school.
Which is why I feel having this baby and I am approaching 28 weeks now, despite the risks that shall remain until the baby is born safely into this world, is so right. I may not have the privilege of time like I used to with the first three, but my hopes are that with this baby I would be able to rekindle my longing for the first three baby days, that we become closer as a family, and further reinforces the love MrM and I have for each other and for our kids.
Holding Afifah's baby reinforces my feelings that, even though I am 42 turning 43 this October, even though work demands have been crazy and shall continue to be so, even though in my innermost feelings I am very worried about the possibilities of things not turning out right for myself and this baby, I do believe that God knows that this would be right for both MrM and me and our family.
I am hormonal right now. That is what happens when you get pregnant at this age.
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