30 weeks preggers and I was just telling MrM this evening that I wish I can get this baby out now. First, is the fact that I am heavier now at 30 weeks than I was when I was 37 weeks with Aliah. My hips hurt and not to mention the dull backache that becomes more pronounced after a night's sleep. Sleeping on my right side strains my back. Second, this time around I have quite a bit of water retention on both feet and my betis look like "betis gajah". Not to mention the scratching scars I have and thank God for Betnovate cream that has healed all the scars. Third, this inactivity and getting easily tired is really getting to me...I worry about my health incessantly because I am eating all the wrong foods. Who wants to eat oatmeal or psyllium husk when you are pregnant? The lure of nasi lemak, masak lemak cili api, cendol, pisang goreng....all the forbidden food when I was dieting, especially coconut milk, is just too tempting to resist.
I know I seem to complain forever. I was just thinking to myself that since this would be my fourth and last pregnancy, I should savour every moment of it. The only part that I seem to relish is the feel of the baby moving inside me and the wonder and excitement in Munirah, Zarif and Aliah's eyes when they feel the baby kick. I look forward to every doctor's appointment and Dr Nik is so assuring, despite my feelings of negativity. He always seem happy with my progress and I do rely on that assurance from him and his experience. Apart from my over 2kg weight gain, everything else is clear.
We picked up the Peg-Perego stuff last Friday after the doctor's appointment. So we are all set except for the Brevi bath tub. Before that we went to the Curve, to buy newborn baby clothing, mostly onesies and body suits, remembering the convenience of having those when the first three were babies. Bought blankets, swaddle blanket, bottles, caps, socks....just to show you both of us are really out of touch with this, MrM himself was lost in deciding what baby bottles to buy. MrM the handyman around the house, who used to pick on me if the bottle is not sterilised fully, undecided on which bottles to get, believe it or not. We settled for Mothercare bottle pack of 4 with newborn teats. I figure I wasn't sure if I would have enough breast milk even though size of breast now indicates a lot of milk.....
That was enough to tire me and that wasn't a whole lot of shopping, I can tell you that much.
Mother's Day today all of us had lunch at my mother's. My mother expressed to me that her doa for me is to deliver safely and pray to live long enough for a bercukur jambul ceremony for what looks like her last grandson. You know about the ups and downs in my relationship with my mother. So that prayer means a lot to me. I felt that if I didn't make amends with my own mother, my delivery will prove to be a difficult one, both mentally and physically.
Therefore, today, Mother's Day, she wanted us to come over for lunch, so that I the pregnant daughter get to taste the ayam kampung masak lemak cili api that she has been saving for me. Those days when I was pregnant with Munirah, my mother was stil able to drive, cook herself and tend to a lot of things herself. I would crave my mother's nasi lemak, ikan baung with bacang and all that was cooked by her. Today, at 77, she relies on a wheelchair and only able to walk very short distances. One of her legs is not strong due to a recent fall. She is still a very strong-hearted person and if you hear her voice, she does not sound like how she looks. Cooking is done by the maid and the taste is not quite the same anymore.
That is my mother. Despite our differences, what is more important is accepting her as she is and tolerating all that she is as I am sure she does to me. And I should accept my children as they are and not subject them to not only my expectations but the world's expectations, the rat race to academic prowess, comparison to other children.
Aliah asked me earlier this week why her friend Nini gave her mother, Nora, the Mother's Day flower too early. I think that was on Tuesday. I told Aliah that perhaps she remembers and want to give her mom the flower that very day. I then told Aliah that it is quite all right if she does not give me a flower for as long as she remembers me in her heart. She wanted to give me the flower on that day, but decided not to. So yesterday when I asked her again why she has not given me the flower, she goes "because it is not yet Mother's Day laa Maaa...." Kids!
Zarif gave me a wooden box red in color with a little blue flower, the one that you could use to put pencils or pens in. Munirah bought me Famous Amos cookies during her school excursion to Putrajaya.
I rewarded myself with a Anya Hindmarch purse that was on sale at the boutique at KLCC. MrM says that this Mother's Day is just a retailer gimmick. True. A mother's day is the everyday things that a mother goes through in raising her kids, not just one day of remembrance.
In the meantime, MrM and his new toy.
So far, accessories have been the top cover for the truck's back space, bull bar for the front of the pickup and yesterday, tinting. MrM enjoys this kind of stuff and as long as it is not another woman, what's in a few thousand dollars.......rantings of a paranoid pregger wife.....
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