Choices you make in life

What a title that is, huh? I wasn't too sure what would be appropriate for this blog entry but decided on that one and you be the judge of the appropriateness of the title, okay?

MrM was telling me months ago about this guy who lives in RK (our residential area) and that he took the VSS from a MNC here in Seremban and was applying for a job at the company where MrM works.

He was finally recruited and I think he must have started duty about a month or two months ago.

I was shocked to hear from MrM last weekend that this guy, whom I shall name, MrA, was diagnosed with lymphoma.

We left office early today to pay him a visit at his home in a different section of the same residential area. We were greeted by his wife, a smiling petite lady who remarked that she knew of MrM since they work in the same organization (she is based in PD, though).

So after the formalities and asking when I am due, they invited us into their home and his first conversation starter was "let's sit at the sofa over there so that your wife is more comfortable". How considerate of him.

So he began his story almost immediately about how he was not feeling well and the indicator was the color of his urine was a very dark shade of brown that told him that something was not quite right. Then began his journey from one medical center to another when finally he was confirmed having lymphoma. The whole story was too long for me to repeat here but sufficient to say, that he had to take matters in his own hands to get to the heart of the matter, what exactly does he have?

What I am about to write is not so much his medical journey but rather MrA's attitude towards the disease which is somewhere between Stage 2 to Stage 3. According to statistics at Stage 2, one has a 75% chance of recovery and living beyond 5 years whereas at Stage 3 the percentge becomes 25. MrA looked pale and because his liver was not functioning very well, which explains the color of his urine and he is a tinge yellowish, even though he says just a week ago his colouring was yellow like someone had painted on him that color.


I thought first when he started the conversation that he was jovial and he said that he needed to come to terms with the disease, both mentally and physically. Then he says that dia "redho" with what God has planned for him and he attributes that to perhaps when he was younger, there were things that he did that was not good and also to the fact that at one time, he had a big row with his mother to the point that he felt was "derhaka" and he would not step into his mother's house. Therefore to him, God is merciful in giving him this dugaan and provides him the opportunity to "mintak ampun" to his ailing mother. Later on he said that he would rather his wife go to work rather than accompany him for his chemo sessions because he didn't want her to be around him all the time to watch him when she could do something better with time. He was quoting the fact that when his father was ill, all they did was sleep at the hospital while he is sleeping and there are times when he needs people around but not all the time.

As the conversation moved on to his mother, how he informed his mother about his disease and if he goes first, he wants his mother's burial plot to be beside his, and him telling us that with this dugaan, he gets to spend more time with his kids now (ages 12, 9 and 6), I could see the sadness in his eyes.....that it must be difficult at times like this to put up a brave front when you know that your time is perhaps limited and yet you are determined to put up a brave fight.

Whether or not he survives to tell his experience is not for anyone to say. Cancer is as much your choice in responding to it mentally as it is in how your body responds to the disease and the onslaught of treatments. He felt that he was more at peace with himself compared to a few years ago and attributes it to the fact that he just came back from performing his Hajj last year and the sense of calm that Hajj provided him in dealing with this disease.

Upon returning home from the visit, I felt sad, to say the least. I have been on an emotional roller-coaster this past 8 months and in retrospect, I felt I complained more than I am grateful with what God has bestowed upon me. I also started thinking about my life, my wrongdoings, my relationship with my own mother, my siblings, my friends and started thinking that I could have done more. I could have taken the easier path of being more consenting, patient, sense of empathy rather than seeing the world only through my lenses and values. I could have played a bigger role in the lives of people who are close to me and mean a lot to me.

I know and I do realize this. This visit is just one of life little reminders on our purpose in this world.....