Life, death and living a life with no regrets

Last Friday evening, I received a text message from Anawar informing about the death of another friend's husband. Apparently he died in an accident somewhere in Batu Pahat. I saw the status update of Intan Rodziah in Facebook about the death of Ateh's husband, and in bracket she wrote Uncle. I did wonder whether it is the same Ateh and then thought maybe that would be Intan's uncle. Ana's text later confirmed my first thoughts.

I only met Ateh in the recent Batch 79-83 reunion in 2007 since the last time we parted ways when we left school. She was jovial, excited to meet up with long-lost friends and I too was excited to meet her again after 24 years. You see, Ateh was my room-mate from Form 1 to Form 3 (D15, D18, C10 with the D and C being our hostel names) and I remember that I had my fair share of fights with her. Especially when us from the South decided to gang up against our roomies from the North. South being us from NS and Selangor and North being those from Perak mostly. How naive we were then thinking that friendship had to be defined by where we were from. The reason I think was mainly because our roomies from the North are extra pious and extra studious, where we from the South, just wanted to have fun!!

This was what you would call cliques in school and there were many of these sub-cliques within our batch but now all of us remember fondly those 5 years of boarding school we spent together and regardless of cliques of yester-years, life experiences, differences in phiosophy and thoughts we shared a common bond that can only be understood by us and we speak a certain kind of language that in my view only these friends understand.

Back to the passing of Ateh's husband, my thoughts were with her that Friday evening and how she will have to cope with the loss of a husband and perhaps maintain composure for the sake of her children. I started thinking about my own mortality, my fear of dying, not because of death itself, but more because of the not having enough good deeds to carry me through in the world of barzakh and hereafter. I started thinking about my priorities in life and how I got carried away in this rat race at the expense of my family life. I remember someone saying that as you draw your last breath, you think about your entire life and in your mind, there should be no regrets when it comes to your family. I certainly feel it now in my 40s that my babies are now 15, 11 and 9 and wonder how the years have gone by and not being able to remember their many first moments.

Ateh, I don't have any words for you at times like this except that you are in my prayers and my Al-Fatihah to your late husband. Being strong is easier said than done, moving on requires sheer determination and faith that all will be well and God know what is best for us.

I am sure many of you would have received this through mail. My husband sent this to me (and I know he was telling me something)

A Message by George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways,but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.

We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.

We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.

We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, becau se that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.
A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak!

And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?