I woke up this morning with a hint of nausea that turned into a full blown one with stomach cramps included. Braved myself to get ready to go to work, vomit motion while brushing teeth, another vomit motion during shower, twice downstairs while handing out pocket money to my kids. My first thought was that this morning sickness has finally recognized that I am in Malaysia and not in the US (since my morning sickness so far has always been in the evening, about US morning time as my friend Azah pointed out that I should stay in the US for the next 9 months).
Breakfast was mee goreng with telur that totally did not agree with me. I knew then that something was not quite right with me and decided to stay home.
This continued until lunch time when I started purging. And more purging after lunch. I was flat on my back by then but what a relief. All that out of my system.
Workwise, this would not be a good start to 2009. The reason is this : I have always been on top of things where work is concerned and I do feel that being on top of things at work and sometimes wanting to be a step ahead of others has over the years crept into my inner being. My system so to speak. That to let go is and was difficult and in some cases, not being able to let go has landed me into more trouble than good. Why? Because my approach, philosophy, beliefs are so different and that as I mature in this company, I tend to disagree with other people.
Why mention this to begin with? The reason is I am tired. I am tired of pursuing, driving and implementing initiatives that seem to be on my plate forever. I am tired of thinking hard as to how a particular task should be approached differently and making that impact in the organization. I am tired because I don't have balance. My family, personal and work life is imbalanced. As Oprah's 2009 show kicks off with Living Your Best Life, I hate to admit that I have not been Living My Best Life.
As this imbalance gets to me when I am not well as I was today. The fact that there are many demands on my time, leadership and thought process overwhelms me now that I am physically and mentally not up to the level that I want it to be.
The years have gone by and without realizing it this organization work ethics and expectations have slowly crept into my system that I do not realize I have created that imbalance.
I want to have balance. How do I create that balance, how do I live my best life?
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