When I heard about my eldest sister getting married again and after 12 years of being a widow at that, I did have reservations as to whether marriage would be the right thing to do for her. He is 78, my eldest sister will be 61 in June. Today 3 April 2010 was the akad nikah ceremony followed by lunch attended by her children, his children, my siblings, two aunts and our neighbour Mak Yah and Pak Junus, and Kak Mong is now wife to Ahmad bin Dahan, the wali being my father's youngest brother from same mother, Acu Halim.
Something about our culture that tend to attach a stigma to a woman when she re-marries. In fact, it is a double standard that when a man's wife pre-deceases him, then culture accepts that men do get married again but not a woman. Poor Kak Mong was too embarassed to be by the ceremony perhaps because of that. Haji Ahmad was relaxed, cracking jokes in his Queen's English, trying to ease the situation for my sister. All eyes were on him and for me, I was trying to imagine him 30 years younger and thought that he looked good for his age.
Seeing them together made me think how much I take for granted MrM's presence. And how different my life would be without him. When one has been married for so long, I for one, can't imagine life without him. And for that reason, I rationalised that Kak Mong's choice to get married again has more to do with companionship, having someone to be around, than anything else. Seeing them again at dinner tonight confirms that when both of them are a bit more casual with each other, and Kak Mong looking absolutely glowing, which is a look I have not seen for a long time.
Call me a sentimental fool, I couldn't help shedding a tear in seeing how emotional the ceremony was for Zanariah, Haji Ahmad's eldest daughter, who happen to be MrM's colleague at Exxon. She was trying to contain herself, without much success, from crying. Cry of happiness for her father or sad to let him go, I don't know, but I had tears in my eyes, perhaps for my father who would have been happy to see my sister happy, or for Abang Kutar, her late husband, in remembering him and his philosophy in life, and perhaps for having to accept that Kak Mong is now someone's wife after many years of being alone and for sure, for the years lost in my silent anger at her when Aliah was born and I broke into a rage after two weeks of giving birth over something so trivial.
Puan Jemilah Ismail and Ahmad bin Dahan. Kak Yang, her usual self, was teasing Kak Mong to no end about now Kak Mong has a "dahan" untuk berpaut.
From L to R : Zanariah (his eldest daughter), Azah (third daughter), my mother, Kak Mong, Haji Ahmad, Zanariah's daughter, Zanariah's husband
From L to R : Kak Yang (Lutfiah), Mak, bride and groom, Kak Cik (Norsalma) and me.
I pray for your happiness, Kak Mong, and for a blessed marriage with Ahmad Dahan.
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