Becoming What I am Meant to Be - The Discovery

When I was about 9 years old, my brother MGB continued his education in the UK.  Many a times I sat at  the balcony of our home, I would look at the hills and always imagined that if I can get over those hills, I will get to England.  Oh yes, I was at the airport to send MGB off for the first time, but I was a dreamer and that imagination actually was a determination on my part to be as good as MGB and follow his foot steps to study abroad.

MGB graduated with First Class Honors in Electrical Engineering (I remember the telegram to my parents informing his achievement) and went on to pursue his PhD in the same field, I believe, and to most who know him, he is now known as DrG.

There was a time when MGB came back for holidays, I think I must have been 11 or 12, and he brought back a stack of vinyl records of UK bands of yesteryears and a record player.  If I mentioned Genesis, Wings (not the Awie kind), Carpenters....those were the ones I remember the most, you probably will say errrrrr.....who?  For the uninitiated, Wings was actually a band formed by Paul McCartney and his late wife Linda.  Genesis was actually Phil Collins and Peter Gabriel long before any of them became Phil Collins and Peter Gabriel as we know them now.

Most of  these albums would come with song lyrics and how I crooned to the tunes of Wings, Genesis and Carpenters.  My favourite from Wings was "Band on the Run".

Stuck inside these four walls, sent inside forever....
Never seeing no one, nice again.....
Like you....Mama, you....Mama, you......

My favourite Genesis album was "And the lamb lies down on Broadway" and "Nursery Cryme".  I sang to "Seven Stones" over and over and vowed that if I ever get to study abroad, I will join a rock band and fulfill my desire to perform to a live audience!  Here are the lyrics to Seven Stones....

Seven Stones

Tinker, alone within a storm
And losing hope he clears the leaves beneath a tree
Seven stones
Lay on the ground

Within the seventh house a friend was found
And the changes of no consequence
Will pick up the reins from nowhere

Sailors, in peril on the sea
Amongst the waves a rock looms nearer not yet seen
They see a gull
Flying by
The captain turns the boat and he asks not why
And the changes of no consequence
Will pick up the reins from nowhere

Despair that tires the world
Brings the old man laughter
The laughter of the world only grieves him, believes him
The old man's guide is chance

I heard the old man tell his tale:

Farmer, who knows not when to sow
Consults the old man clutching money in his hand
With a shrug
The old man smiled
Took the money, left the farmer wild
And the changes of no consequence
Will pick up the reins from nowhere

Despair that tires the world
Brings the old man laughter
The laughter of the world only grieves him, believes him
The old man's guide is chance

Heavy stuff, eh?

And finally the Carpenters.  I grew up with Desperado, Mr Postman, Only Yesterday....and the funny part was my eldest sister wanted to even try the Bintang RTM contest!  In retrospect, I wasn't sure she was serious but tell that to a 11 year old kid, I really believed in her.

I am digressing but there is a point to all this.

This post and a series of posts after this is meant as a self-assessment of my life experiences and how it has shaped what I am now or a reminder of what I used to be and dreamed.

I am not a good singer.   If I had to depend on my singing to feed the kids, my kids would starve!  England is not over the hills within the view of my parents' home in Paroi.  As a child, I didn't know I wasn't a good singer.  As a child, even though I knew England was not over those hills, I dreamed that England was because that seemed more achievable than taking a 13 hour flight to London.  Such is the naivete of youth.  To me the world then offered endless possibilities.  I was focused in the songs, not my lack of singing ability.  I was focused in thinking England is just a few hills away, not the ridiculousness of my dreams. 

Focus.  Endless possibilities.  Dream.