Loss for Words

Aaaahhhh.....if only I can find the words to describe how I feel right now....express my insecurity, a feeling of restlessness, feeling that everything I do may be seen wrong in the eyes of peers, bosses, subordinates.....why?  I have worked long enough in this organization, 20 years next February, to come to a landing such as this?  Or could this be a landing similar to bouncing off a trampoline and find myself catapulted into deeper hole that defines my life for the next 11 years to retirement?  If I stay that long...

Or is it the case, as my friend Pyl and concerned colleagues pointed out, that I am a perfectionist living by impossible standards that defines my thinking whenever I steward, analyze, direct and drive this department called FRM?  How do I let go of this inner voice that tells me "oh have you considered all aspects of the issue at hand?  the analysis from FRM should be of a certain standard, not simple motherhood statements that any non-specialist can do?"

This has been going on since that fateful day where I felt I was made so small in the eyes of a new superior and any which way I rationalized and clarified, nothing I did was right to him.

Ups and downs in a career is normal, but I am handling the downside pretty badly.  This too shall pass, I try to assure myself, but right now this seems to be taking a very long time......